The Red Roost

Kay and I found ourselves in Salisbury for her sister's umpteenth graduation and decided to take a pit stop for some grub. Driving directions are as follows: First, drive just outside Salisbury, then proceed to the middle of nowhere, turn left at the boonies (there is literally a sign for the boonies) and you'll find yourself located in east bumfuck. (Insert Kay: For reals) While you're there, visit The Red Roost for some local eastern shore (Maryland, asshole) seafood. Not sure how we managed to find this place (I visited their website and clicked on directions tab and it actually gives the same directions) but it was worth the drive (Insert Kay: And luckily we, eventually, found our way back to civilization!).

Once we arrived and the "where the hell am I" feeling wore off, we entered the restaurant. You'll first pass through the bar area where you can staple a signed dollar bill to the wall or ceiling. You can look for ours, it's the one with the middle finger that says "Eat Bitch!". Actually don't look for it because my dumb ass didn't think of doing that until just now. (Insert Kay: You're always a dollar short and a day late, Jay. HaHa…see what a did there…a dollar, and you were talking about a dollar…get it. Sigh.) After passing through the bar, we were quickly greeted and seated, the joint had just opened and we were some of the first customers of the day. (Insert Kay: You know a place is going to be good when there are already several parties there 5 minutes after it opens, despite it being in the middle of effing nowhere.) This upgraded chicken shack (read their website...it literally was a chicken shack at one point) is mainly seafood fare but there is more to eat if you're not into crabs and such. If you're not familiar with how to eat crabs then you're the asshole, read the website's "how to" section. Seriously, that's the third mention about their website, read it, because otherwise you'll never find this place… and don't drive out there alone (safety in numbers). Kay and I checked out the menu for a few minutes and decided to go with "the red roost" which is a clam bake for two. What's a clam bake? Lot's of good seafood covered in Old Bay brought to you in a big ass pot. What's Old Bay? You really are an asshole and you're not from Maryland. You could put Old Bay Seasoning on a dog turd and it would taste good.

So we didn't have to wait to long because steamed seafood doesn't take too long to cook. Our clam bake arrived in glorious fashion: clams, crabs, shrimp, chicken, corn on the cob in tow. I ate most of the food as usual, snooze you lose Kay. All of the food was cooked well and I don't even think we had one bad crab (which can sometimes be normal when ordering crabs). The shrimp were cooked perfectly and the corn (though not local since it was not in season yet) was tasty. We were too far from home to take anything home so I made the bad decision of trying to finish everything. Bad idea. I think I shit an entire crab later in the evening. (Insert Kay: Lovely imagery Jay. You have such a way with words)

The Red Roost delivered. The atmosphere inside was cool, down to the crab basket lamp shades. The restaurant has a unique story and is a local hot spot. I use the term "local" loosely because there is nothing near this place, but it's worth driving off the beaten path every now and then. If we had to give this place a rating, we would go with "good enough to take your parents to". We actually took Kay's parents, well technically they took us since they picked up the tab.


(Insert Kay: Below: This is where the Red Roost is located. We TOLD you it was in the middle of nowhere. I still don't know where we were!)

 

Jim's vs Pat's vs Geno's

A few weeks ago I headed up to Philly with a friend for a bachelor party. One of the perks was getting to put down a good cheesesteak. When I say "a", I mean three. One of the things that Frederick is missing is a good cheesesteak, so I was excited to go to the motherland. Here is an account of the three pit stops that we made throughout the night. (Insert Kay: No, I was not present for this cheesesteak adventure, but Jay is still talking about it. And talking about it. So, I feel like I was almost there.)

Jim's Steaks
Jim's was our first stop on the Tour de Philly. After getting lucky on a parking spot right around the corner, we headed inside. The line wrapped around the inside about three times and we had about one foot in the door. This was at 4:00, definitely a good sign. My friend is from Philly so he schooled me on how to order. In Philly they keep their cheesesteaks simple: with or without onions and type of cheese. Sure you can get peppers and other shit but you don't need it. I was told if I were going to do it right to order "one whiz wit" (translation for assholes, self included, one cheesesteak with onions and Cheez Whiz). The cook sent me on my way and I destroyed it like Maximus Decimus Meridius. It was delicious and I enjoyed every moment.

Pat's Steaks
Pat's King of Steaks was the site of cheesesteak number two. This was after the bachelor party and was around 1:00 am. My friend thought I was joking when I said let's hit it up on the way home but...when in Rome. After a quick trip across town we found ourselves at Pat's and were able to just walk up to an outside window and order. One whiz wit, order up! Literally 10 seconds later I had a cheesesteak in my hand, they don't fool around at this joint. We headed back to the car, planning to eat on the road. But before getting in, I found myself staring at the glow of Geno's just across the street. I tossed my cheesesteak to my friend and told him I'd be back in a minute. For the record, the cheesesteak was awesome but I did save a few bites for Kay. (Insert Kay: Surprisingly, he actually DID save me some!)

Geno's Steaks
Directly across the street from Pat's you will find Geno's. These two places could not look any different. Pat's is classic white lights and simple, Geno's looks like Vegas at night. I think I actually got food and a tan from the neon lights. An old pro now, I walked up and got my whiz whit. Biggity bam, cheesesteak number three. I headed back to the car, responded to some dude asking me for weed by telling him to just go to Pat's or Geno's and began enjoying another slice of heaven. In the car my friend asked if I were actually going to eat a third cheesesteak and with a mouth full I answered "why?". Geno's steak, equally awesome. Not a big fan of the "hey look at me vibe" though. The cheesesteak speaks for itself, they can do without the abundance of lights. I did save Kay a few bites but they were gone the next day before she had a chance. (Insert Kay: Asshole.)

So here is the verdict. If you order a cheesesteak anywhere outside of Philly, it's not a Philly cheesesteak. In fact, it should not even have the word "Philly" on the menu. I think it's the bread, I can't explain the taste but you can't find it outside the city. Also the Cheez Whiz is a must. When they make these cheesesteaks, the ingredients are simple: steak, onion, whiz, bread (no seasoning is required and don't eff it up by putting ketchup on it).  The main difference from each sandwich is how finely the meat is chopped. Geno's doesn't chop the sliced steak, Pat's chops the meat rather fine and Jim's is between the two. You can't go wrong with any of the three but if I had to pick one I'd go with Jim's. The flavors are basically the same but I preferred the chopped steak size at Jim's. If anyone wants to take a trip to Philly, hit me up, I'm ready for another. For the record that was three cheesesteaks in one night, bring it.

(Insert Kay: Since Jay's Cheesesteak extravaganza, he has actually insisted we try making our own at home. So, he sent me on a wild goose chase at our local grocery store looking for some fancy-schmancy type of hoagie roll nobody had ever heard of and cheese whiz. I had never bought it before and had a really hard time finding it. (Insert Jay: It's CHEEZ. No wonder you couldn't find it, you dumb bitch!). After three loops around the store, and multiple employee's help, I finally managed to find it. Ironically, it's in the dairy section with the cheese. I'm the asshole here, I guess. While our homemade cheesesteaks were good...they didn't quite pair up with the Philly standard. I guess we were lacking the years' worth of grease and grime on our griddle.)

PS—Jay was so busy demolishing cheesesteaks that he forgot to take a lot of photos. The one above was the only thing that was left before he finally remembered.

Oopa! Greek Festival Frederick-Style

So it's been a while since our last post and you've missed a few meals (we have not). I've been waiting on Kay to get business cards for us to leave at restaurants. (Insert Kay: Seriously, we need business cards before we can eat out and write a post? Give me a break Jay!) That dumb bitch is dragging her heals (as usual) and I figured I better write a review before we lose any interest we've gained thus far. I can tell you that I haven't missed many meals but here is one that I wanted to share.

Get him to the Greek! Great movie, but it has nothing to do with this post other than it's the type of food we able to enjoy over the weekend. We went to the Greek Festival in Frederick several times over this past weekend. It's located at Sts. Peter and Paul Church on 7th St. every year around this time. Let's get this out of the way straight out of the gate, I crushed 6 gyros in 4 days. (Insert Kay: He's lucky he didn't have a heart attack.) Let me give you a play by play of each night:

Thursday: I wanted to start things off right and dominated 2 gyros in one sitting. As I was about to start my second gyro, this dude sat down next to me. He was every bit of 325-350lbs and homeboy was only able to put down one gyro. I gave him a head nod as I took that last bite, as if to say "what's up, that's all you got?". Kay ate some chicken deal that I can't pronounce.  All I know is that there were lots of vowels. (Insert Kay: Chicken Souvlaki...bitch)

Friday: I tried to keep it mild. I only ate one gyro, a side of fries and the rest of Kay's meal. Our friends joined us and they seemed to have a good time. I was eyeballing their kids fries as they didn't finish. I'm not sure what they ordered, again lots of vowels, but they seemed to enjoy the food. (Insert Kay: And I got the Athenian Chicken Platter...chicken with lemon, manestra (a Greek style orzo side dish) and then Greek green beans...so. good.) (Insert Jay: Manestra sounds like something a women gets once a month. They should check the translation on that one.)

Saturday: My dad and new weekend mom (Insert Kay: laughing hysterically) joined us for dinner. Pops wasn't sure what to order, so he just went with the "point, I'll take that" technique. They both enjoyed their meals and seemed to have a good time checking out the pastries. As for myself, gyro number four went down without a hitch (along with a salad and fries). I believe Kay got pastitsio (I had to google it for the spelling). I had a few bites and it was tasty. (Insert Kay: Just want to point out that pastitsio is probably my all-time fav Greek meal. I highly recommend!  Also, just a note on the Greek pastries...again, so. good.)

Sunday: I wasn't able to make it to the festival but Kay picked up dinner. Gyros five and six went down easily after a long day of yard work. Not sure what Kay had, I was in the zone. Believe it or not, I only weigh 165. Well maybe 170 now. (Insert Kay: I had tiropita and spanakopita...cheese and spinach pies, plus a few extra samples.)

We always look forward to the Greek Festival. If you haven't checked it out, you're missing some good food. They had a tasty one-off beer this year made by Brewer's Alley. I only had a few glasses as they sold out much sooner than anticipated. Snooze you lose assholes. (Insert Kay: Um, I had more than a few glasses. good stuff) All in all, the festival is a great time and you should go next year. I'll challenge anyone to a gyro eating contest, I think I have more in the tank. As for a rating, we'll go with a "hell yeah" for this one.

(Insert Kay Disclaimer: I thought it only fair to come clean and let everyone know that I actually am Greek. So, yes, I could be a bit biased, but it doesn't matter, the shit is good, I don't care who you are.)

Lee Lynn's Dining Room & Lounge

The other weekend we found ourselves at the The Mall In Columbia (or the "rich people's" mall as a colleague of mine refers to it). After our mall shopping spree (hello H&M!), we were hungry. Very hungry…Jay was exceptionally grumpy—a sure sign that it was time to eat!  Luckily some dumb bitch a good friend of mine lives in the Columbia area and recommended Lee Lynn's Dining Room and Lounge, so we quickly headed there for lunch. (Insert Jay: Is it Lee Lynn or Leelynn, WTF? If you look on their website, they list it two ways. Pick one and go with it.)

Even though Lee Lynn's was recommended, our first impression was, well, er…honestly we got back in the car and debated whether we wanted to eat there or try to find another alternative. It's just that the entrance to Lee Lynn's is a little iffy. It shares the building with a liquor store, and the parking lot entrance is sort of on the back or side of the restaurant. But, as we took another look, we realized that during the warmer months, Lee Lynn's probably has a kick-ass outdoor patio area, that unfortunately was just packed up and bare in the winter months.

Once we finally got into the restaurant, we opted to sit in the bar/lounge area. The decor inside was much nicer than what we were greeted with outdoors, and the overall vibe was relatively welcoming. We enjoyed the jazz music playing in the lounge and were quickly greeted by our waitress. (We've loved the cool fountain hanging behind the bar made up of all different kinds of instruments!) According to their website, Lee Lynn's prides itself on using fresh, organic local ingredients (yay!). I went with the Grilled Murray's Amish Raised Chicken Panini with Tomato/Basil Confit, Fresh Mozzarella, Balsamic Drizzle (um, yeah, YUM!). Jay opted to go with good ole Fish n Chips (Insert Jay: I was inspired after eating with some friends. One of my friends ordered fish and chips and it looked tasty). Both came with a bonus surprise—waffle fries! Seriously, is there anything better than waffle fries!? (Insert Jay: What is it with waffle fries that makes them so good. Here is my theory, it's the fact there's more surface area to be fried.  People fry all types of foods and it's the fact that they are fried that makes them taste good.  You can get fried oreos, fried pickles, fried twinkies, I know everything there is to know about the fried business....) My Chicken Panini was great, Jay's Fish n Chips was ok. Our waitress was superb, checking in on us when needed (as in, getting Jay refills), but leaving us alone to eat and chat when we wanted.

All in all, we were happy with our lunch here and were glad our friend recommended it! (Insert Jay: fried ice cream, fried onions.....) I'd love to go back during the spring/summer and sit out on their large patio (even if it overlooks a highway). We'd give it a high "Good Enough to Take Your Parents To" and will try to hit it up again next time we find ourselves in Columbia! (Insert Jay: fried mushrooms, fried fish, pause....I guess that's about it.  If you don't get the reference here, you must be stupid or something Gump.)

Lunchbox

It is very rare that Jay and I get to have lunch together, so when we had the chance, I insisted we visit Lunchbox, the newest venture for Bryan Voltaggio (aka owner of the famous Volt Restaurant, aka Frederick's poster-child). (OK, here's where I fully admit that I am a Top Chef junkie, and really enjoy watching the success and growth of our local hero! I'm not a stalker, I promise!) (Insert Jay: He is just a chef, get over it. He was on tv, blah blah blah...he is just a person who makes good food. By the way, I don't get the allure of Top Chef…you never get to eat the food they make on the show, so who knows what it tastes like.)

Lunchbox is a great place to stop for a quick lunch, and is surprising very cost-effective. I went with the Portabella and Goat Cheese sandwich, and Jay had the Pastrami & Swiss. I also got  an order of the Chicken Buttermilk Dumpling soup. Both our sandwiches were pretty good, definitely worth the $5! The soup…holy crap, the soup was amazing. Super HOT, but really good—just perfect after our cold, crisp walk through downtown Frederick, MD. Jay topped his meal off with a FREE apple (Insert Jay: I wish it was a honeycrisp apple!), and I also grabbed some of their oatmeal raisin cookies (what can i say, I was really hungry that day—don't judge!).

OK, so let me get into more detail about those cookies. I admit, I had gotten oatmeal raisin cookies at the Lunchbox a few times before, and they were AH-MAZING! (as in, after my last lunch there with a friend, we actually had post-follow up emails just to talk about their cookies). But, unfortunately this visit left me sad about my cookie fix. Neither of my oatmeal raisin cookies had any raisins. Not. A. Single. One. I want my raisins, people—Lunchbox, take note! (Insert Jay: If you've ever seen the movie Casino, you should remember the scene with De Niro telling the chef to make sure there were an equal amount of blueberries in every muffin. It would be fitting if someone got whacked by Pesci over this raisin oversight)

Now that I'm off my cookie soapbox, I'll say that other than that, we were happy with our meals at Lunchbox. The vibe and decor is very clean and geometric, and we love the fancy plastic "silver"ware utensils. The service was very fast and efficient (although we weren't entirely sure what to do with our trays when we were finished). However, if you've read some of our previous posts, you'll know that Jay is a monster when it comes to eating, so he wished there had been some chips or something to accompany the sandwich…it wasn't quite enough for him.

We'd recommend Lunchbox for a quick, easy, and affordable lunch—I know I'll definitely be back—and we look forward to seeing some of Brian's future ventures in Frederick as well. We'd give Lunhbox a solid "Good Enough to Take Your Parents Too", and maybe borderline "Hell, Yes!".  (Insert Jay: Are you referring to me or the restaurant?)