We Are Farmers…A Visit To Founding Farmers Restaurant

Kay visited Founding Farmers last week and the dumb bitch left her hat there (actually, it was MY hat, and she STOLE it from me. What a dumb B!) (Insert Kay: Jay, there is no need for name calling. Even though I totally did feel like a dumb B for forgetting it!). So, instead of driving there just to get the hat, we decided to make an evening of it and grab dinner too. Located in Potomac, MD (with a second location in Washington, DC) you’ll find this farm-to-table restaurant has a lot to offer. The décor is interesting, they use big jars of canned vegetables to really hit home with that good ol' farm fresh feeling. In other countries, people are starving but here in ‘Merica, we decorate with food giving a middle finger to the third world. (Insert Kay: But they were so pretty!)
 
I ordered the Carolina BBQ and Kay got the southern fried chicken. Our waiter was very knowledgeable and helpful in making our decisions. My meal was…um, unique, let’s say. Each of my sides (beans and greens, and some kind of pickled cucumber something) had complex flavors but they just didn’t seem to all go together. The pulled pork was okay at best. I ate mostly everything but would order something different next time. It wasn’t traditional BBQ (my favorite food).  I get it—this isn’t a BBQ joint so they did their special take on it. Prior to ordering I had a feeling that I might not like the BBQ but, I took a chance. I rolled the dice. Finding good BBQ is like asking someone who is color blind to pick fresh strawberries from a field. Every now and then you get lucky. (Insert Kay: My meal was great! The fried chicken was super tasty, and the mashed potatoes and white gravy were pretty good too. I couldn't eat everything in one sitting, so I had it for lunch the next day. Still Good)

(Insert Kay: So, yes, the meals were good (or unique in Jay's case). But, let's not forget about their Farm Breads. OK, now, I'm a sucker for bread, so, we ordered their Prosciutto, Fig, and Mascarpone. Holy eff. It was SO good! Jay usually warns me to "Not fill up on bread", but he didn't even bother this time, because it was that good. And probably because I literally grunted/growled at him when he suggested I not finish every single bite of it. Seriously, I could've just eaten this bread. Did I mention I love bread?)

I would definitely go back to Founding Farmers. They had enough on the menu to interest me. As for marketing, I think these guys should hook up with www.farmersonly.com . I’m not sure how the collaboration would work but it makes sense, since it’s a hook up website. Lastly, don’t worry about finding your car as you walk through the parking lot. Yours will be the one that isn’t the BMW or Lexus.

(Insert Kay: just as a side note. When I go to the Founding Farmers website, it reminds me of the Farmers Insurance commercials. "We. Are. Farmers. Da, da-da, da, da, da, da." Our dog loves those commercials. This is his response to all Farmers Insurance commercials (ok, so this particular video is to a different show, but the result is ultimately the same.)  

Boxd…Dreams Made of Waffles

Under the category of goddamn genius, you'll find Boxd located in Carlsbad, California. Kay and I stopped by Boxd while visiting California and couldn't believe how simple yet effective this business is. If you like waffles (who doesn't) then this place is for you. The menu is simple, it's waffle sandwiches filled with whatever you want (eggs, bacon, fruit...) (Insert Kay: You take a waffle. Put some shit in the middle. Fold it over. Then you eat it. Done and Done…Bananas and Nutella Waffle…drooling just thinking about it). They have a seating area on the street corner and they've landscaped it to look like a small park. (Insert Kay: Of course, it IS Sunny Southern California, ...so, it's easier to have a year-round outdoor restaurant. Might be a little harder on the East Coast. Grrr, stupid Maryland weather.) After polishing of my waffle sandwich, I thought this about the entire setup.

Ask yourself, what would be better than hand crafted waffle sandwiches sold out of a shipping container in a small public park? Nothing, asshole. If I were ever going to rip off an idea, this would be it. Here is my business plan:

1) acquire shipping container
2) buy waffle iron and small griddle
3) rent a small space in city
4) make money

When (note I said when) you visit Carlsbad, make sure you take time to stop by and visit Boxd. They aren't open late so plan on breakfast or lunch (I refuse to say brunch since only douches use that word). If you don't have time to take a trip to the west coast, you can simply stop by our own version of Boxd here in Frederick, MD once we get it going. If any of you assholes rip off my ripped off idea and start this here before we do, you'll need to add step 5 to your business plan (receive ass whooping). And for a rating, obviously, we're going with a Hell Yeah here.

When Pigs Fly…The Flying Pig

 

(Disclaimer: Since Jay has a very short attention span, we've decided to shorten our posts a bit so they are short and sweet. This will help Jay stay on track a bit more and will allow us to … squirrel!)

Kay and I visited some friends one friend, one asshole out in California and decided to take this bitch coast to coast. Just north of San Diego you'll find the town of Oceanside, home of The Flying Pig. From the outside, you would never think to go into this joint but you'll be pleasantly surprised if you do. (Insert Kay: It literally looks like an abandoned warehouse building from the outside, we didn't have high hopes)

The Flying Pig offers an eclectic (big word, hope I spelled it correct) dining experience. Old LP covers (records, dumb ass) are used for menu holders, plenty of original art, and no two chairs match but some how they do. My menu was an old Bee Gees album and chest hair is the first thing I usually think of when ordering food. The shrimp and grits I had was really good with plenty of flavor. Kay's pork chops were also good (Insert Kay: Jay, that might be one of the best YouTube links you've done to date. Nice work, that is some creative genius shit right there. Of course, now that song will be stuck in my head for, like, 8 days!). There are plenty of craft beers on tap for those of you who can't make it through a day without one. (Insert Kay: Are you referring to someone specific here Jay?)

Not that you're going anytime soon, but if you do find yourself driving through Oceanside (Insert Kay: or O'side for all the kewl kids), look for The Flying Pig. Also look for our friend (singular), she'll meet you for ice cream anytime. (But, you'll also need our other friend to actually drive you to said ice cream shop, that is unless you want to ride on the back of her bike, which I hear can be a little bit sketchy these days…) Rating, Hell Yeah, stamp it.

The Red Roost

Kay and I found ourselves in Salisbury for her sister's umpteenth graduation and decided to take a pit stop for some grub. Driving directions are as follows: First, drive just outside Salisbury, then proceed to the middle of nowhere, turn left at the boonies (there is literally a sign for the boonies) and you'll find yourself located in east bumfuck. (Insert Kay: For reals) While you're there, visit The Red Roost for some local eastern shore (Maryland, asshole) seafood. Not sure how we managed to find this place (I visited their website and clicked on directions tab and it actually gives the same directions) but it was worth the drive (Insert Kay: And luckily we, eventually, found our way back to civilization!).

Once we arrived and the "where the hell am I" feeling wore off, we entered the restaurant. You'll first pass through the bar area where you can staple a signed dollar bill to the wall or ceiling. You can look for ours, it's the one with the middle finger that says "Eat Bitch!". Actually don't look for it because my dumb ass didn't think of doing that until just now. (Insert Kay: You're always a dollar short and a day late, Jay. HaHa…see what a did there…a dollar, and you were talking about a dollar…get it. Sigh.) After passing through the bar, we were quickly greeted and seated, the joint had just opened and we were some of the first customers of the day. (Insert Kay: You know a place is going to be good when there are already several parties there 5 minutes after it opens, despite it being in the middle of effing nowhere.) This upgraded chicken shack (read their website...it literally was a chicken shack at one point) is mainly seafood fare but there is more to eat if you're not into crabs and such. If you're not familiar with how to eat crabs then you're the asshole, read the website's "how to" section. Seriously, that's the third mention about their website, read it, because otherwise you'll never find this place… and don't drive out there alone (safety in numbers). Kay and I checked out the menu for a few minutes and decided to go with "the red roost" which is a clam bake for two. What's a clam bake? Lot's of good seafood covered in Old Bay brought to you in a big ass pot. What's Old Bay? You really are an asshole and you're not from Maryland. You could put Old Bay Seasoning on a dog turd and it would taste good.

So we didn't have to wait to long because steamed seafood doesn't take too long to cook. Our clam bake arrived in glorious fashion: clams, crabs, shrimp, chicken, corn on the cob in tow. I ate most of the food as usual, snooze you lose Kay. All of the food was cooked well and I don't even think we had one bad crab (which can sometimes be normal when ordering crabs). The shrimp were cooked perfectly and the corn (though not local since it was not in season yet) was tasty. We were too far from home to take anything home so I made the bad decision of trying to finish everything. Bad idea. I think I shit an entire crab later in the evening. (Insert Kay: Lovely imagery Jay. You have such a way with words)

The Red Roost delivered. The atmosphere inside was cool, down to the crab basket lamp shades. The restaurant has a unique story and is a local hot spot. I use the term "local" loosely because there is nothing near this place, but it's worth driving off the beaten path every now and then. If we had to give this place a rating, we would go with "good enough to take your parents to". We actually took Kay's parents, well technically they took us since they picked up the tab.


(Insert Kay: Below: This is where the Red Roost is located. We TOLD you it was in the middle of nowhere. I still don't know where we were!)

 

Jim's vs Pat's vs Geno's

A few weeks ago I headed up to Philly with a friend for a bachelor party. One of the perks was getting to put down a good cheesesteak. When I say "a", I mean three. One of the things that Frederick is missing is a good cheesesteak, so I was excited to go to the motherland. Here is an account of the three pit stops that we made throughout the night. (Insert Kay: No, I was not present for this cheesesteak adventure, but Jay is still talking about it. And talking about it. So, I feel like I was almost there.)

Jim's Steaks
Jim's was our first stop on the Tour de Philly. After getting lucky on a parking spot right around the corner, we headed inside. The line wrapped around the inside about three times and we had about one foot in the door. This was at 4:00, definitely a good sign. My friend is from Philly so he schooled me on how to order. In Philly they keep their cheesesteaks simple: with or without onions and type of cheese. Sure you can get peppers and other shit but you don't need it. I was told if I were going to do it right to order "one whiz wit" (translation for assholes, self included, one cheesesteak with onions and Cheez Whiz). The cook sent me on my way and I destroyed it like Maximus Decimus Meridius. It was delicious and I enjoyed every moment.

Pat's Steaks
Pat's King of Steaks was the site of cheesesteak number two. This was after the bachelor party and was around 1:00 am. My friend thought I was joking when I said let's hit it up on the way home but...when in Rome. After a quick trip across town we found ourselves at Pat's and were able to just walk up to an outside window and order. One whiz wit, order up! Literally 10 seconds later I had a cheesesteak in my hand, they don't fool around at this joint. We headed back to the car, planning to eat on the road. But before getting in, I found myself staring at the glow of Geno's just across the street. I tossed my cheesesteak to my friend and told him I'd be back in a minute. For the record, the cheesesteak was awesome but I did save a few bites for Kay. (Insert Kay: Surprisingly, he actually DID save me some!)

Geno's Steaks
Directly across the street from Pat's you will find Geno's. These two places could not look any different. Pat's is classic white lights and simple, Geno's looks like Vegas at night. I think I actually got food and a tan from the neon lights. An old pro now, I walked up and got my whiz whit. Biggity bam, cheesesteak number three. I headed back to the car, responded to some dude asking me for weed by telling him to just go to Pat's or Geno's and began enjoying another slice of heaven. In the car my friend asked if I were actually going to eat a third cheesesteak and with a mouth full I answered "why?". Geno's steak, equally awesome. Not a big fan of the "hey look at me vibe" though. The cheesesteak speaks for itself, they can do without the abundance of lights. I did save Kay a few bites but they were gone the next day before she had a chance. (Insert Kay: Asshole.)

So here is the verdict. If you order a cheesesteak anywhere outside of Philly, it's not a Philly cheesesteak. In fact, it should not even have the word "Philly" on the menu. I think it's the bread, I can't explain the taste but you can't find it outside the city. Also the Cheez Whiz is a must. When they make these cheesesteaks, the ingredients are simple: steak, onion, whiz, bread (no seasoning is required and don't eff it up by putting ketchup on it).  The main difference from each sandwich is how finely the meat is chopped. Geno's doesn't chop the sliced steak, Pat's chops the meat rather fine and Jim's is between the two. You can't go wrong with any of the three but if I had to pick one I'd go with Jim's. The flavors are basically the same but I preferred the chopped steak size at Jim's. If anyone wants to take a trip to Philly, hit me up, I'm ready for another. For the record that was three cheesesteaks in one night, bring it.

(Insert Kay: Since Jay's Cheesesteak extravaganza, he has actually insisted we try making our own at home. So, he sent me on a wild goose chase at our local grocery store looking for some fancy-schmancy type of hoagie roll nobody had ever heard of and cheese whiz. I had never bought it before and had a really hard time finding it. (Insert Jay: It's CHEEZ. No wonder you couldn't find it, you dumb bitch!). After three loops around the store, and multiple employee's help, I finally managed to find it. Ironically, it's in the dairy section with the cheese. I'm the asshole here, I guess. While our homemade cheesesteaks were good...they didn't quite pair up with the Philly standard. I guess we were lacking the years' worth of grease and grime on our griddle.)

PS—Jay was so busy demolishing cheesesteaks that he forgot to take a lot of photos. The one above was the only thing that was left before he finally remembered.

Madrones

In a failed attempt to eat at Buffalo Wild Wings, Kay and I found ourselves at Madrones (their website is a .net…amateur hour) over in the Clemson Corner shopping center in Frederick, MD. Prior to entering the restaurant, Kay and I argued over whether or not this was a chain. Judging by the location, neon sign, and logo, all signs pointed to yes. But, after we both did some research, it appears that it is not a chain afterall (but I'm still not convinced.)

When we entered the restaurant, everything said chain steakhouse. Fake stone fireplace, a shitload of tables/booths, deer antler lights and a douche behind the bar. The Janet Jackson (I call her Ms. Jackson, cuz I'm nasty) playing on the house stereo did throw me, though. (Insert Kay: Yes, I was shocked that Jay knew this old 'skool' Janet Jackson reference too! "No my first name ain't baby!") We were quickly greeted by the hostess who was wearing a low cut shirt complemented with a huge rack, a plus in any guy's book. Unfortunately she wasn't our server so that was a minus. (Insert Kay: Yeah. I was super upset.)

Our server was quick to arrive since there wasn't a lot people in the place. (Insert Kay: It was like a Monday night). He took our drink order and gave us a few minutes to look over the menu. (Insert Kay: While we didn't get drinks this time around, Madrone's drink menu seemed really extensive. They had a wall filled with whiskey and other liquor bottles, plus a good selection of craft beers.) After viewing the menu, I realized I was wrong about the steakhouse theme, this joint was just normal American fare. Our waiter returned to take our order and proceeded to break rule #1. He immediately turned to me and said "I'll take your order first, sir". Look, I'll admit that I'm the biggest asshole I know, (Insert Kay: Truer words have never been spoken) but even I know you always take the broad's order first. I looked over at Kay when he said that and just gave her the "did that shit just happen?" look. Apparently it did, so I quickly got over it and ordered the hickory burger. Kay ordered the grilled portobellos & goat cheese pasta.

Our food arrived in a timely manner. But to be honest, it was rather boring. I wasn't impressed and I wasn't disappointed. It was the most non exciting meal I've had in a long time. I may or may not have fallen asleep in the middle of it. It was kind of like hitting LC's behind the dumpsters in shop class. (Insert Kay: Jay, what the hell are you talking about!?) That statement makes no sense (stop trying to figure it out asshole) and that's how I felt after the meal. (Insert Kay: Oh.)  (Insert Kay: While my meal looked promising, it was WAY too salty. As in drink-3-full-glasses-of-water salty. I couldn't even finish half of it. And holy goat cheese balls....it was just a lot of cheese. If you really like cheese, you may like this dish, it was just too much for me)

After finishing our meals, we wrapped up the check and simply headed home. I did catch a good look of the boobie hostess on the way out. I gave her my best pick up line (seen here), not sure how she took it though. As far as a rating, we'd give this one an "eh". Onto the next venture. (Insert Kay: Since this restaurant has only just recently opened, I may try it again in a few months. We've heard a lot of people really enjoy their food here, so maybe we just hit them on an off night?)

The Loveless Cafe

Kay and I were in Nashville for a few days with some friends to celebrate New Year's. I had a few things to check off my list while we were visiting. Riding a mechanical bull was at the top of the list, but, unfortunately too much BBQ and too many beers foiled that plan. And hitting up the Loveless Cafe for breakfast was at the top of the list too. Luckily, I was able to convince my friends to drive about 20 minutes outside of town to this little slice of heaven, otherwise known as The Loveless Cafe, and eat the best biscuits they would ever eat for the rest of their life. Bold statement but it is fact.

When we arrived, Kay ran in to put in our name for a table for 6. She came out to tell us how long the wait was going to be (Insert Kay: Wait for it…) 2 HOURS! Two hours, Eff me in the A! Two GD hours for breakfast, WTF! The line of people sitting around outside and the fact that it was Sunday morning should have been an indication that the wait would be long, but seriously 2 effing hours is a long time to wait when all you want is some food after a long night of beers and rockabilly. I figured my friends would want to roll out but surprisingly they decided to give it a go. It couldn't actually be two hours could it?

So while waiting, we decided to check out the gift shops that are also on the property. For anyone who visits the Loveless, this is a must. As I said, they serve the best biscuits of your life and you can purchase the mix at their store or online here. Just mix with buttermilk and biggity friggin bam— biscuits, biatch! So after getting my biscuit mix, the wait for our name proceeded. While eating some snacks from the store our name was called. The wait was only around an hour and fifteen, shy of two hours but still a long time. (Insert Kay: Jay and I had been to The Loveless once before, so we knew the wait was worth it. But, I seriously don't know how we convinced our friends to stay and wait that long! Jedi Mind tricks and all.)

Upon entering, be sure to check out some of the autographs of the famous assholes that have visited this place. I'm surprised they didn't ask me for an autograph but I'll let it slide. (Insert Kay: Lame, Jay So, lame.) We were seated and quickly greeted by the friendly (yet super busy) wait staff and everyone in our party ordered the family style breakfast to share among the six of us. (Insert Kay: So, after some fierce competitions of word finds and fill-in-the-blanks on the paper placemats...I came in second. Jay came in last probably…) Eggs, bacon, home fries and the other normal breakfast goodies were quickly brought to the table. Oh and the biscuits, have I mentioned the biscuits? (Insert Kay: Not to mention all the homemade preserves—peach, blackberry, strawberry and more—to spread on the biscuits, heavenly biscuits) The first few minutes of eating were mainly grunts and points to pass plates as we were all starving, especially after the long wait. I knew the biscuits were going to be on point but one thing I overlooked was the bacon. One of my friends can be quoted as saying it's the best bacon he has ever eaten and this guy knows all about smoked meat (and by smoked meat I mean....you get where I'm going). (Insert Kay: Seriously, the bacon was amazing. We took a pile of bacon back to our hotel room and even ate it cold. It was still THAT EFFING GOOD!) The food was good and it kept coming, you can't beat all you can eat. The waitress did a great job keeping up, the restaurant was packed.

So to sum it up: Bacon? Good. Biscuits? Good. The wait? Sucked balls, but not their fault (Sunday breakfast in the south and all). As far as a rating goes, we'll give it a hell yeah. If you're ever in Nashville make sure to check this place out. It's off the beaten path but well worth it y'all (in the south, sentences don't end with a period, they end with "y'all"). (Insert Kay: And we are still enjoying the Loveless biscuits, we've been making some every weekend! Hell yeah!)

PS-We apologize for the lack of photos in this post. We blame it on Kay's stupid iphone deleting all her Nashville photos. Kay is a dumb bitch. Fact.

Bound'ry Restaurant

Sorry for the lack of posts, I lost my mojo with the blogging shit. Here's my problem, I'm laying down comic genius but I don't get feedback with the anonymity. I say screw it, if we can't put your restaurant on blast without having the balls to let you know who we are—then we're the assholes. We'll stick with the "Jay" and "Kay" moniker for the blog (I say it's a stupid idea, but Kay wants to run it). (Insert Kay: Word.) You can find out who we are if you follow Kay on FB. So that's that, on to the Bound'ry.

We headed down to Nashville with some friends to celebrate the New Year. We got all gussied up for New Years' Eve and went out for a nice meal at the Bound'ry. For starters, I know it's spelled wrong. But they're in the south so we'll cut them some slack. They made up for their lack of spelling with short notice reservations. I called the same day at noon for a table for 6 at 6:00 (Insert Kay: On New Year's Eve, mind you). I was surprised that they were able to accommodate with such short notice. I, like Vin Diesel, live my life a quarter of a mile at a time. Here's the link if you assholes don't get the reference. So after some drinks at The Patterson House, (Insert Kay: Check this joint out too if you ever find yourself in Music City! It has a great Prohibition era, speakeasy vibe serving classic cocktails.) we headed down to the Bound'ry (bitches in tow) (Insert Kay: Hay-ay!).

Upon arrival, I was impressed with the vibe of this joint. They had some flame shit going on out front and the inside was artistic as well. We were seated as soon as we arrived and greeted by our waiter within minutes. We ordered drinks and while waiting, some waters arrived along with these crazy ass bread sticks and various breads. This is not a "stale bread in a basket wrapped with the same napkin as your fork" kind of place. (Insert Kay: Very fancy-schmancy!)

Each of my friends ordered a different meal. Let me give it up to the waiter who took 6 orders without writing anything down. Look, I know we don't all aspire to be a waiter when we are kid. If you do, take notes from this dude. He made recommendations and was insightful on the menu. I went with their version of shrimp and grits and Kay went with the pork chops. One of our friends ordered the antelope. (Insert Kay: What kind of DB orders antelope? Just kidding, love ya "Chapstick"!) The menu says the antelope is from Texas but since when do antelopes roam the plains of Texas? I thought those bastards were chilling in Africa with Simba and shit. At any rate, all of our meals were on point. This was the best last meal I could have had for 2012. My shrimps (as they say in the south) were perfectly cooked and the portion size along with flavors were perfect. I tasted all of my friend's meals and they were great as well (except for the antelope, what asshole eats antelope?). Each meal had a distinct flavor and I could have eaten any of them. (Insert Kay: My pork chops were equally as amazing. So tender and flavorfull—I wish I could've eaten the entire plate! Plus they served a local Nashvillian craft beer that I discovered on my last visit to Nashville—Yazoo Brewing Company. I went with the hefeweizen…yum.)

After our meal, we headed downtown to catch the Old Crow Medicine Show perform at The Ryman Theater. Pokey LaFarge opened up the show and it was a perfect end to a great evening. If you're ever in Nashville, I would highly recommend the Bound'ry. Great atmosphere, great food, great friends (dresses could have been a bit more low cut but whatever). (Insert Kay: Dude, it was effing January)

All things considered, we'd give The Bound'ry a "Hell Yeah!", and would definitely recommend if you ever find yourselves in Nashville (Insert Kay: "Y'all). Prices were on the steep side, but for a special dinner, definitely check it out next time you're down south.

Frederick Fudge & Ice Cream

OK, OK, so I'll be the first to admit it. We suck bad. It's been over a month since our last post, and we apologize (at least to the one or two people who are actually reading this!) We've just been lazy this summer. Don't get us wrong, we've still been testing out local and not-so-local restaurants, and have been trying to stay active on our twitter account (um, are you following us yet!?) but we just can't seem to find the time to get our notes down on the proverbial "paper". We suck. There, I said it.

Now that I've gotten that off my chest...

One of the things Jay and I LOVE about summers in Frederick, MD is....ice cream! The Frederick Fudge and Ice Cream shop in Everedy Square/Shab Row area of downtown Frederick is our summer spot. We usually go there every other (ok, or every) week in the summer. Despite the increase to our waistlines, Frederick Fudge & Ice Cream is an awesome little spot to grab a quick summer dessert. Serving both Hershey's Ice Cream and soft serve (Insert Jay: but, really, what asshole would even go to an ice cream shop to get soft serve!?), FFIC also has a variety of fudge and other goodies. Us? We stick with the ice cream.

My "usual" is the old fashioned hot fudge sundae (hold the nuts!) (Insert Jay: yes indeed, hold the nuts. Hiyooo!). Even the small size is a generous proportion, Hershey's vanilla topped with hot fudge, whipped cream and a cherry. And despite Jay's cat-calls of how vanilla is so unoriginal, I say, you can't go wrong with a classic. Jay usually destroys a "single scoop" (did we mention the portions were pretty large?) of the Extreme Chocolate or, his all-time favorite, though not always available, Oatmeal Cookie Dough. And then he eats whatever is leftover from my sundae. Because he eats. A Lot.

The cute, but rather small, ice cream shop always has friendly service (always high school-ish girls), and always smells yummy inside. They are dog friendly, even serving up the special doggie ice cream Frosty Paws (which you could just buy at the grocery store for like a third of the price). Beware—your dogs will try to pee on the big stuffed bear at the front door. At least ours do. Try, that is.

There's a great little sitting area out back (Insert Jay: be prepared for the goddam bugs, they eat you alive some nights) and even parking right behind the shop. Plus, you can always walk through Shab Row or down to Carrol Creek to work off those extra calories. If you're looking for a quick, fun trip for dessert, we highly recommend! We'd give this shop a "Hell, Yes" rating and will continue to frequent it for the remainder of the summer. See ya there!

Oopa! Greek Festival Frederick-Style

So it's been a while since our last post and you've missed a few meals (we have not). I've been waiting on Kay to get business cards for us to leave at restaurants. (Insert Kay: Seriously, we need business cards before we can eat out and write a post? Give me a break Jay!) That dumb bitch is dragging her heals (as usual) and I figured I better write a review before we lose any interest we've gained thus far. I can tell you that I haven't missed many meals but here is one that I wanted to share.

Get him to the Greek! Great movie, but it has nothing to do with this post other than it's the type of food we able to enjoy over the weekend. We went to the Greek Festival in Frederick several times over this past weekend. It's located at Sts. Peter and Paul Church on 7th St. every year around this time. Let's get this out of the way straight out of the gate, I crushed 6 gyros in 4 days. (Insert Kay: He's lucky he didn't have a heart attack.) Let me give you a play by play of each night:

Thursday: I wanted to start things off right and dominated 2 gyros in one sitting. As I was about to start my second gyro, this dude sat down next to me. He was every bit of 325-350lbs and homeboy was only able to put down one gyro. I gave him a head nod as I took that last bite, as if to say "what's up, that's all you got?". Kay ate some chicken deal that I can't pronounce.  All I know is that there were lots of vowels. (Insert Kay: Chicken Souvlaki...bitch)

Friday: I tried to keep it mild. I only ate one gyro, a side of fries and the rest of Kay's meal. Our friends joined us and they seemed to have a good time. I was eyeballing their kids fries as they didn't finish. I'm not sure what they ordered, again lots of vowels, but they seemed to enjoy the food. (Insert Kay: And I got the Athenian Chicken Platter...chicken with lemon, manestra (a Greek style orzo side dish) and then Greek green beans...so. good.) (Insert Jay: Manestra sounds like something a women gets once a month. They should check the translation on that one.)

Saturday: My dad and new weekend mom (Insert Kay: laughing hysterically) joined us for dinner. Pops wasn't sure what to order, so he just went with the "point, I'll take that" technique. They both enjoyed their meals and seemed to have a good time checking out the pastries. As for myself, gyro number four went down without a hitch (along with a salad and fries). I believe Kay got pastitsio (I had to google it for the spelling). I had a few bites and it was tasty. (Insert Kay: Just want to point out that pastitsio is probably my all-time fav Greek meal. I highly recommend!  Also, just a note on the Greek pastries...again, so. good.)

Sunday: I wasn't able to make it to the festival but Kay picked up dinner. Gyros five and six went down easily after a long day of yard work. Not sure what Kay had, I was in the zone. Believe it or not, I only weigh 165. Well maybe 170 now. (Insert Kay: I had tiropita and spanakopita...cheese and spinach pies, plus a few extra samples.)

We always look forward to the Greek Festival. If you haven't checked it out, you're missing some good food. They had a tasty one-off beer this year made by Brewer's Alley. I only had a few glasses as they sold out much sooner than anticipated. Snooze you lose assholes. (Insert Kay: Um, I had more than a few glasses. good stuff) All in all, the festival is a great time and you should go next year. I'll challenge anyone to a gyro eating contest, I think I have more in the tank. As for a rating, we'll go with a "hell yeah" for this one.

(Insert Kay Disclaimer: I thought it only fair to come clean and let everyone know that I actually am Greek. So, yes, I could be a bit biased, but it doesn't matter, the shit is good, I don't care who you are.)

Olives

My mom offered to take Kay and I out to dinner this weekend. We headed to some Italian joint and were told it would be about a 45 minute wait. So I told the hostess that my friend Ulysses S. Grant was hungry and it appeared that there was an empty table that he could sit at. (Insert Kay: For anyone who trying to figure out what the hell Jay is talking about, he meant that he tried to slip the hostess a $50. This is so entirely untrue because Jay is way cheap and totally NOT that slick) OK, that's the conversation that took place in my head, what actually was said was "okay, maybe next time". So, Kay suggested that we head over to Olives instead. 

When we entered, the first thing I noticed was the artwork painted on the walls. I must say, I didn't really admire the art, and was afraid our meals would be equally unappealing. (Insert Kay: I don't mind the art. Except the art in the women's bathroom. There is a mural of rose petals, and some of the petals look disturbing close to certain female body part. Seriously. Take a look when you go there and tell me if I'm wrong.) We were quickly seated (I think the hostess heard my conversation mentioned earlier with Grant) (Insert Kay: Lame. So lame.) as the restaurant was not quite full. Upon being seated, I thought to myself that this place should serve olives instead of bread at the start of the meal. And sure as shit, 2 minutes later a plate of 4 olives hits the table. Bam.

Kay ordered Sacchetti al Formaggio al… some shit I can't pronounce (Insert Kay: Sacchetti al Formaggio e Pere…pasta stuffed with pear, ricotta, taleggio sauce, and walnuts…um, YUM!) and I ordered Chicken Marsala. While waiting for our meals, we enjoyed some bread and a few olives. Unfortunately, our meals took a while to arrive........a while to arrive......a while to arrive. At least my water was constantly refilled without having to ask. When our meals finally arrived, I must say I was pleased...at least the wait was worth it. My Marsala was a rich sweet sauce that I enjoyed. Kay lost focus and I grabbed one of her whatever you call them (gnocchi?) and found it to be enjoyable as well.  Both our meals were $15-$16 and for the amount of food and flavor we got, I would say it was worth it (better than the bullshit you get at Carrabba's). On a side note, for those of you who go to Carrabba's, you are missing out on local restaurant's that offer much better food. Carrabba's is for pods (what's a pod? An asshole). 

Back to our meal. Kay was so pleased with her meal that she ordered a cannoli for dessert. I've never been a fan of cannoli's but they were on par with others I've had. I held out for a double scoop at Frederick Fudge & Ice Cream Company. Check them out if you get a chance. The ice cream is awesome even though they don't make it (Hershey's). (Insert Kay: And best old fashioned hot fudge sundae in Frederick...holy crap. mouth watering now.)

So what is our rating of Olives? I'd say that considering we took my mom there, I'd give it a "Good enough to take your parents to". Since my mom picked up the check, I would definitely go back as long as my mom goes. The only complaint that I would give is the amount of time we waited for our meals to arrive and for our check to arrive. The restaurant wasn't packed and they should have been quicker with the service. Kay wasn't able to finish her meal so she brought it home. Her dumbass went out of town for the remainder of the weekend and made the mistake of leaving the leftovers in our fridge. She doesn't know it yet but I destroyed it today for lunch.....bitches. (Insert Kay: Busted. You suck, Jay.)

(Insert Kay: On a side note, while this was my first time there for dinner,  I've been to Olives several times for lunch. I highly recommend getting their pear & walnut panini. It. is. so. good. I've actually had dreams about eating it! Also, their pizzas are pretty good too!)

The Brewer's Art

Kay and I decided to spend a night out in the great city of Baltimore, you know Balmer, Hon. We planned on checking out a show that started late so it made sense to go ahead and get dinner while we were down there. Baltimore is known for many things, great crabs (the kind you eat and the other kind you catch), great sports (one team that has sucked since 1983 and the other who can't catch touchdowns or kick field goals), and great people (nice enough to watch your car for $2 and then break into it when you turn the corner). Side note, when someone offers to watch your car for a small fee and you say "sure, thanks", they hear "hey I have something valuable to steal, go ahead and steal it two minutes from now". You're the asshole in this situation…ok, so back to our big night on the town.

We needed a good restaurant for dinner and I know this asshole dick who lives in the city. He recommended "The Brewer's Art" (Insert Kay: Yeah. You'd think they'd have a nicer website) on Charles St. They brew their own beer so we were in. The restaurant is a bit upscale so no jorts allowed (Insert Kay: Ha Ha…jorts). The decor is unique with lots of custom art on the walls and high ceilings. They have a cool vibe going on and I was hoping for as good of a meal. We were quickly seated and greeted by our waiter. I ordered a glass of their porter and Kay's dumbass ordered some bottled hippie beer that you can get anywhere (Insert Kay: Pinkus Organic Hefeweizen. I like it. I can order whatever beer I want, because I do what I want!) She claimed she didn't know which beer to get and was afraid she wouldn't like it. (Who cares, we're making it rain! If the beer sucks, just order another one.) For our entrees, I went with rock fish over a lobster risotto, Kay went with the Hudson Valley Duck Confit (Insert Kay: What can I say, I'm a sucker for poultry). As you can see, we weren't kidding around this time. We began enjoying our beers while awaiting our meals.

A few minutes later, our waiter came back with our meals. My first impression was, that's not going to be enough food, my second was WTF is a kumquat (they were included in Kay's meal)? I never understand why finer foods have such small portions. I thought my rock fish was okay, but it surprisingly didn't have a lot of flavor. The risotto was good but I'm not a big lobster fan (Insert Kay: Um, then why did you order the lobster risotto? Am I right?). The overall flavor was not bad, nothing against the chef but the flavor profile was not for me. Kay's duck was decent but I am glad I didn't order it, again the flavor profile didn't do anything for me (Insert Kay: I actually really liked my dish and don't know what Jay is talking about. The pickled kumquats were a little tart on their own, but when mixed with the rest of the dish, they fit in perfectly!). I don't know how to rate the food at The Brewer's Art. I'm sure to most people, the food here is great. The specific dishes on the menu just didn't do anything for me. The service was great and I could see the food was prepared well. At this point you're probably thinking "this asshole is clueless and can't appreciate good food". That's not the case, it just was "okay" for me.

So as far as a rating, I'd give The Brewer's Art a "good enough to take you parents to" for the beer and decor, but I'd give it an "eh" for the food. My dick friend (mentioned earlier) claims the Resurrection beer is great, he neglected to tell me that prior to my visit so I would like to go back for a few beers (Insert Kay: And get a better friend). As for my rating of Baltimore, at least I made it out alive and with my wallet, shiiiit. (Insert Kay: Oh, Indeed.)

Sabor De Cuba

Kay has been harping on me to get to the review of Sabor De Cuba, a new Cuban restaurant in downtown Frederick. (That dumb bitch better check her tone.) (Insert Kay: If you had stopped playing video games or watching West Coast Customs or Gold Rush, and got your shit done…I probably wouldn't need to harp on you, dear)  At any rate, here it goes. When walking around downtown a few weeks ago, we noticed a new restaurant opening soon on Patrick Street. I was excited to see that it was Cuban themed. The last Cuban restaurant in Frederick that I visited was That Cuban Place (TCP), and unfortunately, it was forced to close it's doors. I was only able to visit it one time—and I liked it! So, I had high hopes for Sabor De Cuba.

When we visited, Sabor De Cuba had only been open a few days, so we weren't sure what to expect. Upon entering, we were greeted by the hostess and were told it would be about a 20 minute wait. The bar had plenty of open seats, so we opted to eat there. (This is a little trick I use since my appetite usually doesn't want to wait for food. Don't any of you try it, please continue waiting for a table so that I can get to my food before you.) (Insert Kay: OK, total side note: I just wanted to point out that the restaurant was very warm and cozy…which was greatly appreciated as it was a cold and snowy evening when we visited. I hate going to restaurants and freezing my ass off, which happens a lot!)

The bartender took our orders quickly and the food didn't take long to arrive. I went with the Ropa Vieja, a pulled flank steak and Kay went with Pollo a la Plancha. The meals were $15 and $14 respectively,  both came with beans w/ rice and plantains. I was expecting huge portions of food for the price, but I was sadly disappointed—both plates only included a very small portion of meat, the majority of the plate was full of rice and beans. Don't be misled by the picture of Kay's dinner, that's visual ambiguity (google that shit if you don't know what I'm talking about). You've got to be kidding me right, $15 for rice! I will say this, the Ropa Vieja was very tasty, but $15 tasty—no. I could handle paying $15 for the entree if the majority of the meal were the meat. This should have been an $8-9 meal max. Kay's meal was the same as mine, majority rice, small portion of chicken. (Insert Kay: But, the small amount of chicken I did get was really good!)

Kay says she would go back, but not me. (Insert Kay: I usually give restaurants a "pass" if I visit them within the first month of their opening. The food was good, just over priced. I'd definitely try Sabor de Cuba again in a few months. I'm not a hater!) I was still hungry after the meal and was bummed on the small meat portions. I would like to see this restaurant succeed, so I'm taking it easy on them. They need to come down in their prices or go up in the portion size, and hopefully they'll figure this out before it's too late.

On a side note, I kept noticing random people coming up to the bar for free drinks. A few even went behind the bar to get their own drinks. I guess they worked there or were owners/friends. No big deal, it didn't take away from my service. I wanted to be part of the club though (Insert Kay: Sadly, I don't know enough Spanish to have any idea what they were talking about!). I felt like I was eating Thanksgiving dinner at the kids table. You know, you're there but none of the adults want to talk to you. So as far as a rating goes, I give it an "eh" while Kay is probably more on the "I'd like to give it another chance" side. In my eyes, you get one shot, and then, no soup for you! (Insert Kay: or in this case, no meat for us! That sounds gross.)

Lee Lynn's Dining Room & Lounge

The other weekend we found ourselves at the The Mall In Columbia (or the "rich people's" mall as a colleague of mine refers to it). After our mall shopping spree (hello H&M!), we were hungry. Very hungry…Jay was exceptionally grumpy—a sure sign that it was time to eat!  Luckily some dumb bitch a good friend of mine lives in the Columbia area and recommended Lee Lynn's Dining Room and Lounge, so we quickly headed there for lunch. (Insert Jay: Is it Lee Lynn or Leelynn, WTF? If you look on their website, they list it two ways. Pick one and go with it.)

Even though Lee Lynn's was recommended, our first impression was, well, er…honestly we got back in the car and debated whether we wanted to eat there or try to find another alternative. It's just that the entrance to Lee Lynn's is a little iffy. It shares the building with a liquor store, and the parking lot entrance is sort of on the back or side of the restaurant. But, as we took another look, we realized that during the warmer months, Lee Lynn's probably has a kick-ass outdoor patio area, that unfortunately was just packed up and bare in the winter months.

Once we finally got into the restaurant, we opted to sit in the bar/lounge area. The decor inside was much nicer than what we were greeted with outdoors, and the overall vibe was relatively welcoming. We enjoyed the jazz music playing in the lounge and were quickly greeted by our waitress. (We've loved the cool fountain hanging behind the bar made up of all different kinds of instruments!) According to their website, Lee Lynn's prides itself on using fresh, organic local ingredients (yay!). I went with the Grilled Murray's Amish Raised Chicken Panini with Tomato/Basil Confit, Fresh Mozzarella, Balsamic Drizzle (um, yeah, YUM!). Jay opted to go with good ole Fish n Chips (Insert Jay: I was inspired after eating with some friends. One of my friends ordered fish and chips and it looked tasty). Both came with a bonus surprise—waffle fries! Seriously, is there anything better than waffle fries!? (Insert Jay: What is it with waffle fries that makes them so good. Here is my theory, it's the fact there's more surface area to be fried.  People fry all types of foods and it's the fact that they are fried that makes them taste good.  You can get fried oreos, fried pickles, fried twinkies, I know everything there is to know about the fried business....) My Chicken Panini was great, Jay's Fish n Chips was ok. Our waitress was superb, checking in on us when needed (as in, getting Jay refills), but leaving us alone to eat and chat when we wanted.

All in all, we were happy with our lunch here and were glad our friend recommended it! (Insert Jay: fried ice cream, fried onions.....) I'd love to go back during the spring/summer and sit out on their large patio (even if it overlooks a highway). We'd give it a high "Good Enough to Take Your Parents To" and will try to hit it up again next time we find ourselves in Columbia! (Insert Jay: fried mushrooms, fried fish, pause....I guess that's about it.  If you don't get the reference here, you must be stupid or something Gump.)

Lunchbox

It is very rare that Jay and I get to have lunch together, so when we had the chance, I insisted we visit Lunchbox, the newest venture for Bryan Voltaggio (aka owner of the famous Volt Restaurant, aka Frederick's poster-child). (OK, here's where I fully admit that I am a Top Chef junkie, and really enjoy watching the success and growth of our local hero! I'm not a stalker, I promise!) (Insert Jay: He is just a chef, get over it. He was on tv, blah blah blah...he is just a person who makes good food. By the way, I don't get the allure of Top Chef…you never get to eat the food they make on the show, so who knows what it tastes like.)

Lunchbox is a great place to stop for a quick lunch, and is surprising very cost-effective. I went with the Portabella and Goat Cheese sandwich, and Jay had the Pastrami & Swiss. I also got  an order of the Chicken Buttermilk Dumpling soup. Both our sandwiches were pretty good, definitely worth the $5! The soup…holy crap, the soup was amazing. Super HOT, but really good—just perfect after our cold, crisp walk through downtown Frederick, MD. Jay topped his meal off with a FREE apple (Insert Jay: I wish it was a honeycrisp apple!), and I also grabbed some of their oatmeal raisin cookies (what can i say, I was really hungry that day—don't judge!).

OK, so let me get into more detail about those cookies. I admit, I had gotten oatmeal raisin cookies at the Lunchbox a few times before, and they were AH-MAZING! (as in, after my last lunch there with a friend, we actually had post-follow up emails just to talk about their cookies). But, unfortunately this visit left me sad about my cookie fix. Neither of my oatmeal raisin cookies had any raisins. Not. A. Single. One. I want my raisins, people—Lunchbox, take note! (Insert Jay: If you've ever seen the movie Casino, you should remember the scene with De Niro telling the chef to make sure there were an equal amount of blueberries in every muffin. It would be fitting if someone got whacked by Pesci over this raisin oversight)

Now that I'm off my cookie soapbox, I'll say that other than that, we were happy with our meals at Lunchbox. The vibe and decor is very clean and geometric, and we love the fancy plastic "silver"ware utensils. The service was very fast and efficient (although we weren't entirely sure what to do with our trays when we were finished). However, if you've read some of our previous posts, you'll know that Jay is a monster when it comes to eating, so he wished there had been some chips or something to accompany the sandwich…it wasn't quite enough for him.

We'd recommend Lunchbox for a quick, easy, and affordable lunch—I know I'll definitely be back—and we look forward to seeing some of Brian's future ventures in Frederick as well. We'd give Lunhbox a solid "Good Enough to Take Your Parents Too", and maybe borderline "Hell, Yes!".  (Insert Jay: Are you referring to me or the restaurant?)

Cacique Restaurant

Como estan bitches? If you're a reader of this blog, you'll know that Kay and I had a bad experience at our last Mexican outing (read here). After washing the taste of disappointment out of our mouths, we felt the need to fill a void. Kinda like a the void a red headed step child feels when seeking approval from their father. The void is not the lack of approval, it's the lack of a soul. I'm not sure how that applies here but that is the best I can do. (Insert Kay: um, ramble much? I have no idea what Jay is talking about here…) To fill our void, we decided to hit up a personal favorite of ours and set out to Cacique (warning: website has sound that you can't turn off!) located in downtown Frederick, MD.

One note to make before I get going, based on much previous experience (Kay and I frequent Cacique a lot) you need to expect to spend some time for dinner here. It's not just a quick drop in place. To put it bluntly, you're going to be on Spanish time here. Sit back, relax and enjoy the ride. Unlike dinner at my house (shovel and chew so that you're the first to get seconds), dinner at Cacique is an event.

So, back to our dinner event which took place on a Friday night. After arriving around 7pm or so, we were quickly seated. The waiter's assistant promptly hooked us up with chips, salsa and waters and our waiter arrived shortly arrived to take our orders (without writing them down…impressive). I went with a beef burrito and Kay went with a beef/chicken fajita combo (Insert Kay: mmmmm, fajitas!)  After munching on some chips, our food arrived in a timely fashion. Our waiter noticed my empty water glass and sent his assistant over to fill it (expected but impressive nonetheless) (Insert Kay: In case you haven't read some of our other posts, Jay has what we could call an obsession with drink refills). My burrito was great and Kay was satisfied with her fajitas (Insert Kay: Again, mmmmm, fajitas!). The flavors were great and the meals were highly satisfying.

If you've read previous posts, you've noticed my ability to down some food (Insert Kay: The boy can eat!). I can crush a burrito at Cacique but in doing so my belly hurts from eating too much. I'm always in limbo here, there is never enough to take home and there is always too much to eat. A normal person would just leave a few bites on the plate and call it a night. Not me though, I like a good challenge. (Insert Kay: I always take home my leftovers with me and look forward to eating them the next day…like a normal person.) All in all, Cacique cuts the queso. (Insert Kay: Wait. What? Don't you mean mustard?)

One thing to be aware of when visiting Cacique…when you wake up in the morning, you can still smell the restaurant on your clothes from the night before. (Insert Kay: It's the fajitas!!) If you've ever worked in the food business, you know what I mean. This may be something they need to address or this may just be a form of advertising. If we had to give Cacique a rating, we would give it a "Hell Yeah" and we'll definitely be back! (Insert Kay: um, we're practically regulars already!)