We Are Farmers…A Visit To Founding Farmers Restaurant

Kay visited Founding Farmers last week and the dumb bitch left her hat there (actually, it was MY hat, and she STOLE it from me. What a dumb B!) (Insert Kay: Jay, there is no need for name calling. Even though I totally did feel like a dumb B for forgetting it!). So, instead of driving there just to get the hat, we decided to make an evening of it and grab dinner too. Located in Potomac, MD (with a second location in Washington, DC) you’ll find this farm-to-table restaurant has a lot to offer. The décor is interesting, they use big jars of canned vegetables to really hit home with that good ol' farm fresh feeling. In other countries, people are starving but here in ‘Merica, we decorate with food giving a middle finger to the third world. (Insert Kay: But they were so pretty!)
 
I ordered the Carolina BBQ and Kay got the southern fried chicken. Our waiter was very knowledgeable and helpful in making our decisions. My meal was…um, unique, let’s say. Each of my sides (beans and greens, and some kind of pickled cucumber something) had complex flavors but they just didn’t seem to all go together. The pulled pork was okay at best. I ate mostly everything but would order something different next time. It wasn’t traditional BBQ (my favorite food).  I get it—this isn’t a BBQ joint so they did their special take on it. Prior to ordering I had a feeling that I might not like the BBQ but, I took a chance. I rolled the dice. Finding good BBQ is like asking someone who is color blind to pick fresh strawberries from a field. Every now and then you get lucky. (Insert Kay: My meal was great! The fried chicken was super tasty, and the mashed potatoes and white gravy were pretty good too. I couldn't eat everything in one sitting, so I had it for lunch the next day. Still Good)

(Insert Kay: So, yes, the meals were good (or unique in Jay's case). But, let's not forget about their Farm Breads. OK, now, I'm a sucker for bread, so, we ordered their Prosciutto, Fig, and Mascarpone. Holy eff. It was SO good! Jay usually warns me to "Not fill up on bread", but he didn't even bother this time, because it was that good. And probably because I literally grunted/growled at him when he suggested I not finish every single bite of it. Seriously, I could've just eaten this bread. Did I mention I love bread?)

I would definitely go back to Founding Farmers. They had enough on the menu to interest me. As for marketing, I think these guys should hook up with www.farmersonly.com . I’m not sure how the collaboration would work but it makes sense, since it’s a hook up website. Lastly, don’t worry about finding your car as you walk through the parking lot. Yours will be the one that isn’t the BMW or Lexus.

(Insert Kay: just as a side note. When I go to the Founding Farmers website, it reminds me of the Farmers Insurance commercials. "We. Are. Farmers. Da, da-da, da, da, da, da." Our dog loves those commercials. This is his response to all Farmers Insurance commercials (ok, so this particular video is to a different show, but the result is ultimately the same.)  

The Red Roost

Kay and I found ourselves in Salisbury for her sister's umpteenth graduation and decided to take a pit stop for some grub. Driving directions are as follows: First, drive just outside Salisbury, then proceed to the middle of nowhere, turn left at the boonies (there is literally a sign for the boonies) and you'll find yourself located in east bumfuck. (Insert Kay: For reals) While you're there, visit The Red Roost for some local eastern shore (Maryland, asshole) seafood. Not sure how we managed to find this place (I visited their website and clicked on directions tab and it actually gives the same directions) but it was worth the drive (Insert Kay: And luckily we, eventually, found our way back to civilization!).

Once we arrived and the "where the hell am I" feeling wore off, we entered the restaurant. You'll first pass through the bar area where you can staple a signed dollar bill to the wall or ceiling. You can look for ours, it's the one with the middle finger that says "Eat Bitch!". Actually don't look for it because my dumb ass didn't think of doing that until just now. (Insert Kay: You're always a dollar short and a day late, Jay. HaHa…see what a did there…a dollar, and you were talking about a dollar…get it. Sigh.) After passing through the bar, we were quickly greeted and seated, the joint had just opened and we were some of the first customers of the day. (Insert Kay: You know a place is going to be good when there are already several parties there 5 minutes after it opens, despite it being in the middle of effing nowhere.) This upgraded chicken shack (read their website...it literally was a chicken shack at one point) is mainly seafood fare but there is more to eat if you're not into crabs and such. If you're not familiar with how to eat crabs then you're the asshole, read the website's "how to" section. Seriously, that's the third mention about their website, read it, because otherwise you'll never find this place… and don't drive out there alone (safety in numbers). Kay and I checked out the menu for a few minutes and decided to go with "the red roost" which is a clam bake for two. What's a clam bake? Lot's of good seafood covered in Old Bay brought to you in a big ass pot. What's Old Bay? You really are an asshole and you're not from Maryland. You could put Old Bay Seasoning on a dog turd and it would taste good.

So we didn't have to wait to long because steamed seafood doesn't take too long to cook. Our clam bake arrived in glorious fashion: clams, crabs, shrimp, chicken, corn on the cob in tow. I ate most of the food as usual, snooze you lose Kay. All of the food was cooked well and I don't even think we had one bad crab (which can sometimes be normal when ordering crabs). The shrimp were cooked perfectly and the corn (though not local since it was not in season yet) was tasty. We were too far from home to take anything home so I made the bad decision of trying to finish everything. Bad idea. I think I shit an entire crab later in the evening. (Insert Kay: Lovely imagery Jay. You have such a way with words)

The Red Roost delivered. The atmosphere inside was cool, down to the crab basket lamp shades. The restaurant has a unique story and is a local hot spot. I use the term "local" loosely because there is nothing near this place, but it's worth driving off the beaten path every now and then. If we had to give this place a rating, we would go with "good enough to take your parents to". We actually took Kay's parents, well technically they took us since they picked up the tab.


(Insert Kay: Below: This is where the Red Roost is located. We TOLD you it was in the middle of nowhere. I still don't know where we were!)

 

Madrones

In a failed attempt to eat at Buffalo Wild Wings, Kay and I found ourselves at Madrones (their website is a .net…amateur hour) over in the Clemson Corner shopping center in Frederick, MD. Prior to entering the restaurant, Kay and I argued over whether or not this was a chain. Judging by the location, neon sign, and logo, all signs pointed to yes. But, after we both did some research, it appears that it is not a chain afterall (but I'm still not convinced.)

When we entered the restaurant, everything said chain steakhouse. Fake stone fireplace, a shitload of tables/booths, deer antler lights and a douche behind the bar. The Janet Jackson (I call her Ms. Jackson, cuz I'm nasty) playing on the house stereo did throw me, though. (Insert Kay: Yes, I was shocked that Jay knew this old 'skool' Janet Jackson reference too! "No my first name ain't baby!") We were quickly greeted by the hostess who was wearing a low cut shirt complemented with a huge rack, a plus in any guy's book. Unfortunately she wasn't our server so that was a minus. (Insert Kay: Yeah. I was super upset.)

Our server was quick to arrive since there wasn't a lot people in the place. (Insert Kay: It was like a Monday night). He took our drink order and gave us a few minutes to look over the menu. (Insert Kay: While we didn't get drinks this time around, Madrone's drink menu seemed really extensive. They had a wall filled with whiskey and other liquor bottles, plus a good selection of craft beers.) After viewing the menu, I realized I was wrong about the steakhouse theme, this joint was just normal American fare. Our waiter returned to take our order and proceeded to break rule #1. He immediately turned to me and said "I'll take your order first, sir". Look, I'll admit that I'm the biggest asshole I know, (Insert Kay: Truer words have never been spoken) but even I know you always take the broad's order first. I looked over at Kay when he said that and just gave her the "did that shit just happen?" look. Apparently it did, so I quickly got over it and ordered the hickory burger. Kay ordered the grilled portobellos & goat cheese pasta.

Our food arrived in a timely manner. But to be honest, it was rather boring. I wasn't impressed and I wasn't disappointed. It was the most non exciting meal I've had in a long time. I may or may not have fallen asleep in the middle of it. It was kind of like hitting LC's behind the dumpsters in shop class. (Insert Kay: Jay, what the hell are you talking about!?) That statement makes no sense (stop trying to figure it out asshole) and that's how I felt after the meal. (Insert Kay: Oh.)  (Insert Kay: While my meal looked promising, it was WAY too salty. As in drink-3-full-glasses-of-water salty. I couldn't even finish half of it. And holy goat cheese balls....it was just a lot of cheese. If you really like cheese, you may like this dish, it was just too much for me)

After finishing our meals, we wrapped up the check and simply headed home. I did catch a good look of the boobie hostess on the way out. I gave her my best pick up line (seen here), not sure how she took it though. As far as a rating, we'd give this one an "eh". Onto the next venture. (Insert Kay: Since this restaurant has only just recently opened, I may try it again in a few months. We've heard a lot of people really enjoy their food here, so maybe we just hit them on an off night?)

The Loveless Cafe

Kay and I were in Nashville for a few days with some friends to celebrate New Year's. I had a few things to check off my list while we were visiting. Riding a mechanical bull was at the top of the list, but, unfortunately too much BBQ and too many beers foiled that plan. And hitting up the Loveless Cafe for breakfast was at the top of the list too. Luckily, I was able to convince my friends to drive about 20 minutes outside of town to this little slice of heaven, otherwise known as The Loveless Cafe, and eat the best biscuits they would ever eat for the rest of their life. Bold statement but it is fact.

When we arrived, Kay ran in to put in our name for a table for 6. She came out to tell us how long the wait was going to be (Insert Kay: Wait for it…) 2 HOURS! Two hours, Eff me in the A! Two GD hours for breakfast, WTF! The line of people sitting around outside and the fact that it was Sunday morning should have been an indication that the wait would be long, but seriously 2 effing hours is a long time to wait when all you want is some food after a long night of beers and rockabilly. I figured my friends would want to roll out but surprisingly they decided to give it a go. It couldn't actually be two hours could it?

So while waiting, we decided to check out the gift shops that are also on the property. For anyone who visits the Loveless, this is a must. As I said, they serve the best biscuits of your life and you can purchase the mix at their store or online here. Just mix with buttermilk and biggity friggin bam— biscuits, biatch! So after getting my biscuit mix, the wait for our name proceeded. While eating some snacks from the store our name was called. The wait was only around an hour and fifteen, shy of two hours but still a long time. (Insert Kay: Jay and I had been to The Loveless once before, so we knew the wait was worth it. But, I seriously don't know how we convinced our friends to stay and wait that long! Jedi Mind tricks and all.)

Upon entering, be sure to check out some of the autographs of the famous assholes that have visited this place. I'm surprised they didn't ask me for an autograph but I'll let it slide. (Insert Kay: Lame, Jay So, lame.) We were seated and quickly greeted by the friendly (yet super busy) wait staff and everyone in our party ordered the family style breakfast to share among the six of us. (Insert Kay: So, after some fierce competitions of word finds and fill-in-the-blanks on the paper placemats...I came in second. Jay came in last probably…) Eggs, bacon, home fries and the other normal breakfast goodies were quickly brought to the table. Oh and the biscuits, have I mentioned the biscuits? (Insert Kay: Not to mention all the homemade preserves—peach, blackberry, strawberry and more—to spread on the biscuits, heavenly biscuits) The first few minutes of eating were mainly grunts and points to pass plates as we were all starving, especially after the long wait. I knew the biscuits were going to be on point but one thing I overlooked was the bacon. One of my friends can be quoted as saying it's the best bacon he has ever eaten and this guy knows all about smoked meat (and by smoked meat I mean....you get where I'm going). (Insert Kay: Seriously, the bacon was amazing. We took a pile of bacon back to our hotel room and even ate it cold. It was still THAT EFFING GOOD!) The food was good and it kept coming, you can't beat all you can eat. The waitress did a great job keeping up, the restaurant was packed.

So to sum it up: Bacon? Good. Biscuits? Good. The wait? Sucked balls, but not their fault (Sunday breakfast in the south and all). As far as a rating goes, we'll give it a hell yeah. If you're ever in Nashville make sure to check this place out. It's off the beaten path but well worth it y'all (in the south, sentences don't end with a period, they end with "y'all"). (Insert Kay: And we are still enjoying the Loveless biscuits, we've been making some every weekend! Hell yeah!)

PS-We apologize for the lack of photos in this post. We blame it on Kay's stupid iphone deleting all her Nashville photos. Kay is a dumb bitch. Fact.

Alexander's

First, we wanted to apologize for the delay in posts. What can we say, we've been total and complete slackers. It happens. We do what we want… 

OK, so we don't typically make it out for weekend brunch. Maybe it's because of a long-standing commitment I have on Sundays. Or maybe it's because we enjoy making weekend breakfast at home, listening to bluegrass music. Or, maybe it's because we're just too lazy on the weekends and usually lounge around for a bit in the mornings. Whatever the reason, it's just not something we usually do. So, when we were invited out last Sunday for an after-event brunch, we were happy to try it out. And, even better, we got to go Alexanders in Buckeystown, MD—somewhere neither of us had been.

Our brunch party met at Alexander's at Buckeystown, located (ironically) in Buckeystown, MD. (Insert Jay: That's not irony you dumb bitch. "Incidentally" or "Conveniently" is what you meant to use. Irony was when that douche thought he could live among grizzlies to learn how to protect them. End result, the douche was eaten by one and a park ranger killed the grizzly for eating him, exactly what he raising awareness against. What is it with broads using the word "irony" incorrectly? Take Alanis Morissette, she wrote an entire song called Ironic and there is not one lyric in it that is ironic. Rain on your wedding day is bad luck not ironic and the rest of the song is about waiting too long to make a good decision...., Bitches.) (Insert Kay: Rant much? …and back to the review…) Buckeystown, just a few miles outside of Frederick, is one of those small towns that if you blink, you'll literally pass it. Luckily, we had our handy iphone GPS's, so we found it without any problems. (OK, so really, you won't have trouble finding the restaurant, it's one of like two businesses in the area.) Alexander's is located in a quaint, federal-style home that was originally built in 1780. The restaurant vibe is very comforting and homey, with the dining areas separated by different rooms of the house. Honestly, it feels like going to your grandmothers house for a meal. Per their website, Alexander's self described themselves as having "antebellum surroundings" with a "fresh approach" to "southern comfort food". Word. (antebellum, they really used that in their description!)

Upon sitting down, we were quickly greeted by our waiter, and drinks as well as cinnamon buns arrived promptly. (I don't usually like cinnamon buns, but I was starving, and I'm so glad I ate them—they were really, really good!) Jay went with the Omelette (with an extra order of bacon—the guy can eat!). I went with…wait for it…chicken and waffles. Yes. I said it. They. Have. Chicken. AND. Waffles! (Insert Jay: the only thing better than chicken and waffles is this, tell it Luda!) Jay doesn't quite remember what exactly was in his omelette (in his exact words "i don't know, it was filled with omelette shit). Thanks Dear. But, he does remember it being really good, and he ate all of it. The bacon was really smoked. Which, was good at first bite, but then became overpowering. For me, the chicken and waffles were amazing! (Insert Jay: the syrup or sizzurp as I like to say, was really good. Some pecan pepper shit that was tasty.) So, so good!

All in all, we were really impressed with Alexander's and wondered why we didn't do brunch more often! (Insert Jay: I actually don't wonder why. Brunch is for a-holes that like to use words like brunch.) The service was a little slow, but we were with a very large party, so it's hard to tell if that was normal or not. I was impressed with how quickly and easily our checks were split up for a party of like 16ish people. We'd give it a "Good Enough to Take Your Parents To", (which you actually probably should do!) and will try going back for a taste of lunch or dinner!

PS: Alexanders is currently participating in Frederick's Restaurant Week. While we didn't try one of their special dishes, I'd encourage everyone to try to grab a meal there during this weekend, the tail end of Restaurant Week!