Madrones

In a failed attempt to eat at Buffalo Wild Wings, Kay and I found ourselves at Madrones (their website is a .net…amateur hour) over in the Clemson Corner shopping center in Frederick, MD. Prior to entering the restaurant, Kay and I argued over whether or not this was a chain. Judging by the location, neon sign, and logo, all signs pointed to yes. But, after we both did some research, it appears that it is not a chain afterall (but I'm still not convinced.)

When we entered the restaurant, everything said chain steakhouse. Fake stone fireplace, a shitload of tables/booths, deer antler lights and a douche behind the bar. The Janet Jackson (I call her Ms. Jackson, cuz I'm nasty) playing on the house stereo did throw me, though. (Insert Kay: Yes, I was shocked that Jay knew this old 'skool' Janet Jackson reference too! "No my first name ain't baby!") We were quickly greeted by the hostess who was wearing a low cut shirt complemented with a huge rack, a plus in any guy's book. Unfortunately she wasn't our server so that was a minus. (Insert Kay: Yeah. I was super upset.)

Our server was quick to arrive since there wasn't a lot people in the place. (Insert Kay: It was like a Monday night). He took our drink order and gave us a few minutes to look over the menu. (Insert Kay: While we didn't get drinks this time around, Madrone's drink menu seemed really extensive. They had a wall filled with whiskey and other liquor bottles, plus a good selection of craft beers.) After viewing the menu, I realized I was wrong about the steakhouse theme, this joint was just normal American fare. Our waiter returned to take our order and proceeded to break rule #1. He immediately turned to me and said "I'll take your order first, sir". Look, I'll admit that I'm the biggest asshole I know, (Insert Kay: Truer words have never been spoken) but even I know you always take the broad's order first. I looked over at Kay when he said that and just gave her the "did that shit just happen?" look. Apparently it did, so I quickly got over it and ordered the hickory burger. Kay ordered the grilled portobellos & goat cheese pasta.

Our food arrived in a timely manner. But to be honest, it was rather boring. I wasn't impressed and I wasn't disappointed. It was the most non exciting meal I've had in a long time. I may or may not have fallen asleep in the middle of it. It was kind of like hitting LC's behind the dumpsters in shop class. (Insert Kay: Jay, what the hell are you talking about!?) That statement makes no sense (stop trying to figure it out asshole) and that's how I felt after the meal. (Insert Kay: Oh.)  (Insert Kay: While my meal looked promising, it was WAY too salty. As in drink-3-full-glasses-of-water salty. I couldn't even finish half of it. And holy goat cheese balls....it was just a lot of cheese. If you really like cheese, you may like this dish, it was just too much for me)

After finishing our meals, we wrapped up the check and simply headed home. I did catch a good look of the boobie hostess on the way out. I gave her my best pick up line (seen here), not sure how she took it though. As far as a rating, we'd give this one an "eh". Onto the next venture. (Insert Kay: Since this restaurant has only just recently opened, I may try it again in a few months. We've heard a lot of people really enjoy their food here, so maybe we just hit them on an off night?)

B-Dubbs

What the hell is B-Dubs you ask? Buffalo Wild Wings for all you punk bitches who aren't in the know. (Insert Kay: While we usually don't post on chain-type restaurants, we had a special connection with this one…read on) Seeing as we are big time bloggers and food critics, we got a special invite to a soft opening for the new Frederick B-Dubs located by Wegman's (what the hell do you call that area?). For the record, I generally only use the word "soft" when referring to anyone other than myself, but the opening of this restaurant is an exception. What is a soft opening you ask? It's when a new restaurant opens only for special guests to have a trial run through a full night of service. So if you're keeping score at home, there is a new B-Dubs in Frederick and we were invited to prep the restaurant for service (keep up assholes). (Insert Kay: OK, so now you know that we are a little late on this post, because the Frederick BWW has been opened for over a month now. But that's ok—we do what we want. Don't judge, it's been a busy winter, bitches.)

Shortly after arriving, we were seated and our waitress informed us how the evening was going to go. The rules were simple. Order anything you want, just try to pick something from each section of the menu, food is free and beer is donation for charity. At this point I think I heard angels sing. It took me a minute to figure out what I wanted to eat. It wasn't the abundance of choices, it was 200+ tv's all playing sports at full blasting volume. I didn't know which one to watch or where to look. There are a lot of distractions, it was kinda like this. If you have ever been to Glory Days, (Insert Kay: Or any sports bar/ restaurant, for that matter) B-Dubs is basically the same thing but on steroids.

After assimilating to the surroundings, we figured out what we wanted to eat. Wings asshole. We wanted to try 3 different flavors and went with honey bbq, salt & vinegar, and hot bbq. I asked for 6 of each but the waitress said they were only taking orders for 12. I told her I couldn't eat that much but she didn't mind, 36 wings coming up. (Insert Kay: Yes, he did. He literally ordered 36 wings.)  We also ordered some appetizers just for shits and giggles. I was surprised to find out that B-Dubs actually offers craft beers. (Insert Kay: Seriously, we were surprised at the variety of their selection. I'm the beer connoisseur of this marriage, so what I say goes.) We ordered up a few that I haven't heard and were pleasantly surprised. They had a few stouts that were tasty and I would recommend them if you're into stouts. (Insert Kay: As a slacker food blogger, Jay, of course, forgot which stout beers he would actually recommend. You suck, Jay) Our food arrived and at the same time so did one of the managers to see how things were going. For starters, the manager was a huge bitch. (Insert Kay: Word.)  She was actually my sister but she is still a bitch. She checked in on all tables to see how things were going but the side order of attitude delivered to our table wasn't appreciated. Oh well, she got us in for free, seems like a fair trade. (Insert Kay: We'll keep her. For now.) I dove into the salt&vinegar wings first and must admit I was pleasantly surprised. If you like the S&V potato chips, I say you should give these wings a try. I then tried the hot bbq. WOW. On the burn your butthole meter, I would have to give them a 9. Translation of burn your butthole meter: a 9 is when you want to dunk your ass in the toilet after taking a shit due to the spicy food you ate the night before. (Insert Kay. Sorry ladies. He's taken. And yes, this is an actual conversation we've had before. I am such a lucky gal.) The honey bbq were more reasonable. The apps were great and we even got dessert as well. My dumb bitch sister said dessert wasn't allowed but I told her to make it happen. (Insert Kay: Hot fudge sundaes. If you've read some of our previous posts, you KNOW how I like a hot fudge sundae, bitch.)

All in all, B-Dubs was great. They have a shitload of wings to choose from as well as plenty of visual stimulation. If you see a tall skinny broad ordering people around, don't give her a hard time. I've got that covered. As for a rating, we give this one a Good Enough to Take Your Parents To! (Insert Kay: Wait, your parents actually were there.)

Sidenote- When my sister and I were young, we used to play this game called "waitress". She would act as my waitress and prepare me food. When it was my turn to play, I would always say, "nah, I quit this job". She always went first in the game and I always quit at my turn. Dumb bitch fell for it every time. Now look at her, she is running a restaurant and is more than playing waitress. Nice.

Frederick Fudge & Ice Cream

OK, OK, so I'll be the first to admit it. We suck bad. It's been over a month since our last post, and we apologize (at least to the one or two people who are actually reading this!) We've just been lazy this summer. Don't get us wrong, we've still been testing out local and not-so-local restaurants, and have been trying to stay active on our twitter account (um, are you following us yet!?) but we just can't seem to find the time to get our notes down on the proverbial "paper". We suck. There, I said it.

Now that I've gotten that off my chest...

One of the things Jay and I LOVE about summers in Frederick, MD is....ice cream! The Frederick Fudge and Ice Cream shop in Everedy Square/Shab Row area of downtown Frederick is our summer spot. We usually go there every other (ok, or every) week in the summer. Despite the increase to our waistlines, Frederick Fudge & Ice Cream is an awesome little spot to grab a quick summer dessert. Serving both Hershey's Ice Cream and soft serve (Insert Jay: but, really, what asshole would even go to an ice cream shop to get soft serve!?), FFIC also has a variety of fudge and other goodies. Us? We stick with the ice cream.

My "usual" is the old fashioned hot fudge sundae (hold the nuts!) (Insert Jay: yes indeed, hold the nuts. Hiyooo!). Even the small size is a generous proportion, Hershey's vanilla topped with hot fudge, whipped cream and a cherry. And despite Jay's cat-calls of how vanilla is so unoriginal, I say, you can't go wrong with a classic. Jay usually destroys a "single scoop" (did we mention the portions were pretty large?) of the Extreme Chocolate or, his all-time favorite, though not always available, Oatmeal Cookie Dough. And then he eats whatever is leftover from my sundae. Because he eats. A Lot.

The cute, but rather small, ice cream shop always has friendly service (always high school-ish girls), and always smells yummy inside. They are dog friendly, even serving up the special doggie ice cream Frosty Paws (which you could just buy at the grocery store for like a third of the price). Beware—your dogs will try to pee on the big stuffed bear at the front door. At least ours do. Try, that is.

There's a great little sitting area out back (Insert Jay: be prepared for the goddam bugs, they eat you alive some nights) and even parking right behind the shop. Plus, you can always walk through Shab Row or down to Carrol Creek to work off those extra calories. If you're looking for a quick, fun trip for dessert, we highly recommend! We'd give this shop a "Hell, Yes" rating and will continue to frequent it for the remainder of the summer. See ya there!

Oopa! Greek Festival Frederick-Style

So it's been a while since our last post and you've missed a few meals (we have not). I've been waiting on Kay to get business cards for us to leave at restaurants. (Insert Kay: Seriously, we need business cards before we can eat out and write a post? Give me a break Jay!) That dumb bitch is dragging her heals (as usual) and I figured I better write a review before we lose any interest we've gained thus far. I can tell you that I haven't missed many meals but here is one that I wanted to share.

Get him to the Greek! Great movie, but it has nothing to do with this post other than it's the type of food we able to enjoy over the weekend. We went to the Greek Festival in Frederick several times over this past weekend. It's located at Sts. Peter and Paul Church on 7th St. every year around this time. Let's get this out of the way straight out of the gate, I crushed 6 gyros in 4 days. (Insert Kay: He's lucky he didn't have a heart attack.) Let me give you a play by play of each night:

Thursday: I wanted to start things off right and dominated 2 gyros in one sitting. As I was about to start my second gyro, this dude sat down next to me. He was every bit of 325-350lbs and homeboy was only able to put down one gyro. I gave him a head nod as I took that last bite, as if to say "what's up, that's all you got?". Kay ate some chicken deal that I can't pronounce.  All I know is that there were lots of vowels. (Insert Kay: Chicken Souvlaki...bitch)

Friday: I tried to keep it mild. I only ate one gyro, a side of fries and the rest of Kay's meal. Our friends joined us and they seemed to have a good time. I was eyeballing their kids fries as they didn't finish. I'm not sure what they ordered, again lots of vowels, but they seemed to enjoy the food. (Insert Kay: And I got the Athenian Chicken Platter...chicken with lemon, manestra (a Greek style orzo side dish) and then Greek green beans...so. good.) (Insert Jay: Manestra sounds like something a women gets once a month. They should check the translation on that one.)

Saturday: My dad and new weekend mom (Insert Kay: laughing hysterically) joined us for dinner. Pops wasn't sure what to order, so he just went with the "point, I'll take that" technique. They both enjoyed their meals and seemed to have a good time checking out the pastries. As for myself, gyro number four went down without a hitch (along with a salad and fries). I believe Kay got pastitsio (I had to google it for the spelling). I had a few bites and it was tasty. (Insert Kay: Just want to point out that pastitsio is probably my all-time fav Greek meal. I highly recommend!  Also, just a note on the Greek pastries...again, so. good.)

Sunday: I wasn't able to make it to the festival but Kay picked up dinner. Gyros five and six went down easily after a long day of yard work. Not sure what Kay had, I was in the zone. Believe it or not, I only weigh 165. Well maybe 170 now. (Insert Kay: I had tiropita and spanakopita...cheese and spinach pies, plus a few extra samples.)

We always look forward to the Greek Festival. If you haven't checked it out, you're missing some good food. They had a tasty one-off beer this year made by Brewer's Alley. I only had a few glasses as they sold out much sooner than anticipated. Snooze you lose assholes. (Insert Kay: Um, I had more than a few glasses. good stuff) All in all, the festival is a great time and you should go next year. I'll challenge anyone to a gyro eating contest, I think I have more in the tank. As for a rating, we'll go with a "hell yeah" for this one.

(Insert Kay Disclaimer: I thought it only fair to come clean and let everyone know that I actually am Greek. So, yes, I could be a bit biased, but it doesn't matter, the shit is good, I don't care who you are.)

Olives

My mom offered to take Kay and I out to dinner this weekend. We headed to some Italian joint and were told it would be about a 45 minute wait. So I told the hostess that my friend Ulysses S. Grant was hungry and it appeared that there was an empty table that he could sit at. (Insert Kay: For anyone who trying to figure out what the hell Jay is talking about, he meant that he tried to slip the hostess a $50. This is so entirely untrue because Jay is way cheap and totally NOT that slick) OK, that's the conversation that took place in my head, what actually was said was "okay, maybe next time". So, Kay suggested that we head over to Olives instead. 

When we entered, the first thing I noticed was the artwork painted on the walls. I must say, I didn't really admire the art, and was afraid our meals would be equally unappealing. (Insert Kay: I don't mind the art. Except the art in the women's bathroom. There is a mural of rose petals, and some of the petals look disturbing close to certain female body part. Seriously. Take a look when you go there and tell me if I'm wrong.) We were quickly seated (I think the hostess heard my conversation mentioned earlier with Grant) (Insert Kay: Lame. So lame.) as the restaurant was not quite full. Upon being seated, I thought to myself that this place should serve olives instead of bread at the start of the meal. And sure as shit, 2 minutes later a plate of 4 olives hits the table. Bam.

Kay ordered Sacchetti al Formaggio al… some shit I can't pronounce (Insert Kay: Sacchetti al Formaggio e Pere…pasta stuffed with pear, ricotta, taleggio sauce, and walnuts…um, YUM!) and I ordered Chicken Marsala. While waiting for our meals, we enjoyed some bread and a few olives. Unfortunately, our meals took a while to arrive........a while to arrive......a while to arrive. At least my water was constantly refilled without having to ask. When our meals finally arrived, I must say I was pleased...at least the wait was worth it. My Marsala was a rich sweet sauce that I enjoyed. Kay lost focus and I grabbed one of her whatever you call them (gnocchi?) and found it to be enjoyable as well.  Both our meals were $15-$16 and for the amount of food and flavor we got, I would say it was worth it (better than the bullshit you get at Carrabba's). On a side note, for those of you who go to Carrabba's, you are missing out on local restaurant's that offer much better food. Carrabba's is for pods (what's a pod? An asshole). 

Back to our meal. Kay was so pleased with her meal that she ordered a cannoli for dessert. I've never been a fan of cannoli's but they were on par with others I've had. I held out for a double scoop at Frederick Fudge & Ice Cream Company. Check them out if you get a chance. The ice cream is awesome even though they don't make it (Hershey's). (Insert Kay: And best old fashioned hot fudge sundae in Frederick...holy crap. mouth watering now.)

So what is our rating of Olives? I'd say that considering we took my mom there, I'd give it a "Good enough to take your parents to". Since my mom picked up the check, I would definitely go back as long as my mom goes. The only complaint that I would give is the amount of time we waited for our meals to arrive and for our check to arrive. The restaurant wasn't packed and they should have been quicker with the service. Kay wasn't able to finish her meal so she brought it home. Her dumbass went out of town for the remainder of the weekend and made the mistake of leaving the leftovers in our fridge. She doesn't know it yet but I destroyed it today for lunch.....bitches. (Insert Kay: Busted. You suck, Jay.)

(Insert Kay: On a side note, while this was my first time there for dinner,  I've been to Olives several times for lunch. I highly recommend getting their pear & walnut panini. It. is. so. good. I've actually had dreams about eating it! Also, their pizzas are pretty good too!)

The Cellar Door

The other weekend Jay and I took our first trip to The Cellar Door in downtown Frederick, MD to celebrate Frederick Restaurant Week with some friends. (OK, you caught us, this post is really late... didn't I mention last post that we are slackers. Don't Judge.) We hadn't been to The Cellar Door location since it had been The Brown Pelican...yeah...a REALLY long time ago! Even though the restaurant had been opened for a while, neither of us had heard anything about it—good or bad. So we honestly weren't sure what to expect.

First impression was that the vibe in the basement setting was kind of cool. It was small and quaint, with a cozy bar area. The staff was very courteous and we were quickly seated with drinks ordered (we tried the Fat Tire Beer, which I will definitely be ordering it again! And wish I was drinking right now. mmmmm....beer). It was a special night, so we both got appetizers (which we don't usually do). I went with Goat Cheese Fritters (Insert Jay: aka mozzarella sticks, let's call a spade a spade) and Jay got the Seared Ahi Tuna. The fritters were pretty good, very cheesey, but the sauce they came in was amazing! (Unfortunately I don't remember exactly was the sauce was and sadly, they don't have it listed on their menu—food blogger #fail.) Jay was happy with his tuna bites.

For my main course I went crazy and decided to try the Roasted Pork Chop. The dish came with a parsnip puree, sautéed spinach, and then caramelized apple, onion and bacon to top of the HUGE hunk of pork chop (seriously, it was HUGE!).  Jay went with the Chicken Cheasapeake, which came with lump crab meat, asapragus, and mashed potatoes. (Our friends also went with the Chicken as well as The Eastern Shore—rockfish, scallops, mussels, prawn, tomato, garlic and rice served in a broth base). I gotta say, if the dinner had been a competition, my pork chop meal was the winner. As in, it kicked all the other meals' asses! It was so good. Let me repeat—it was so good! Even the parsnip puree was a hit! All the flavors really complimented each other and the pork was soft and buttery. Jay's Chicken meal was also good, although he wished it came with more crabmeat. (Insert Jay: When I read "Chesapeake" on the menu, I figured Old Bay would be involved but that wasn't the case. Oh well, it was still good. There was a small amount of crab and it didn't have too much flavor. It got lost in the dish and didn't seem to fit). And our friend enjoyed her Eastern Shore meal, repeatedly exclaiming "This broth is really good" several times, even though some of the seafood didn't live up to her expectations.

While we had the best intentions to try dessert while dining, we were just too full. But, we did have one other savory goodness that deserves a mention—the bread before the dinner. Ok, so the bread wasn't anything special, but they served it with a raspberry butter. Say what!? Holy. Crap. It was so good, I made the waitress bring us more.

All in all, we enjoyed our meal at The Cellar Door and would most likely go back. But, since we were there during Frederick's Restaurant Week, we got a special fixed pricing on the meal. We did notice that the normal meal costs can run on the pricey side, so we'd probably only go back for a special occasion...or just to drink the Fat Tire beer and eat the raspberry butter. I'd give our meal a borderline "Hell, Yeah" and a solid "Good Enough to Take Your Parents To"…but hope that they pay for it.

Alexander's

First, we wanted to apologize for the delay in posts. What can we say, we've been total and complete slackers. It happens. We do what we want… 

OK, so we don't typically make it out for weekend brunch. Maybe it's because of a long-standing commitment I have on Sundays. Or maybe it's because we enjoy making weekend breakfast at home, listening to bluegrass music. Or, maybe it's because we're just too lazy on the weekends and usually lounge around for a bit in the mornings. Whatever the reason, it's just not something we usually do. So, when we were invited out last Sunday for an after-event brunch, we were happy to try it out. And, even better, we got to go Alexanders in Buckeystown, MD—somewhere neither of us had been.

Our brunch party met at Alexander's at Buckeystown, located (ironically) in Buckeystown, MD. (Insert Jay: That's not irony you dumb bitch. "Incidentally" or "Conveniently" is what you meant to use. Irony was when that douche thought he could live among grizzlies to learn how to protect them. End result, the douche was eaten by one and a park ranger killed the grizzly for eating him, exactly what he raising awareness against. What is it with broads using the word "irony" incorrectly? Take Alanis Morissette, she wrote an entire song called Ironic and there is not one lyric in it that is ironic. Rain on your wedding day is bad luck not ironic and the rest of the song is about waiting too long to make a good decision...., Bitches.) (Insert Kay: Rant much? …and back to the review…) Buckeystown, just a few miles outside of Frederick, is one of those small towns that if you blink, you'll literally pass it. Luckily, we had our handy iphone GPS's, so we found it without any problems. (OK, so really, you won't have trouble finding the restaurant, it's one of like two businesses in the area.) Alexander's is located in a quaint, federal-style home that was originally built in 1780. The restaurant vibe is very comforting and homey, with the dining areas separated by different rooms of the house. Honestly, it feels like going to your grandmothers house for a meal. Per their website, Alexander's self described themselves as having "antebellum surroundings" with a "fresh approach" to "southern comfort food". Word. (antebellum, they really used that in their description!)

Upon sitting down, we were quickly greeted by our waiter, and drinks as well as cinnamon buns arrived promptly. (I don't usually like cinnamon buns, but I was starving, and I'm so glad I ate them—they were really, really good!) Jay went with the Omelette (with an extra order of bacon—the guy can eat!). I went with…wait for it…chicken and waffles. Yes. I said it. They. Have. Chicken. AND. Waffles! (Insert Jay: the only thing better than chicken and waffles is this, tell it Luda!) Jay doesn't quite remember what exactly was in his omelette (in his exact words "i don't know, it was filled with omelette shit). Thanks Dear. But, he does remember it being really good, and he ate all of it. The bacon was really smoked. Which, was good at first bite, but then became overpowering. For me, the chicken and waffles were amazing! (Insert Jay: the syrup or sizzurp as I like to say, was really good. Some pecan pepper shit that was tasty.) So, so good!

All in all, we were really impressed with Alexander's and wondered why we didn't do brunch more often! (Insert Jay: I actually don't wonder why. Brunch is for a-holes that like to use words like brunch.) The service was a little slow, but we were with a very large party, so it's hard to tell if that was normal or not. I was impressed with how quickly and easily our checks were split up for a party of like 16ish people. We'd give it a "Good Enough to Take Your Parents To", (which you actually probably should do!) and will try going back for a taste of lunch or dinner!

PS: Alexanders is currently participating in Frederick's Restaurant Week. While we didn't try one of their special dishes, I'd encourage everyone to try to grab a meal there during this weekend, the tail end of Restaurant Week!

Sabor De Cuba

Kay has been harping on me to get to the review of Sabor De Cuba, a new Cuban restaurant in downtown Frederick. (That dumb bitch better check her tone.) (Insert Kay: If you had stopped playing video games or watching West Coast Customs or Gold Rush, and got your shit done…I probably wouldn't need to harp on you, dear)  At any rate, here it goes. When walking around downtown a few weeks ago, we noticed a new restaurant opening soon on Patrick Street. I was excited to see that it was Cuban themed. The last Cuban restaurant in Frederick that I visited was That Cuban Place (TCP), and unfortunately, it was forced to close it's doors. I was only able to visit it one time—and I liked it! So, I had high hopes for Sabor De Cuba.

When we visited, Sabor De Cuba had only been open a few days, so we weren't sure what to expect. Upon entering, we were greeted by the hostess and were told it would be about a 20 minute wait. The bar had plenty of open seats, so we opted to eat there. (This is a little trick I use since my appetite usually doesn't want to wait for food. Don't any of you try it, please continue waiting for a table so that I can get to my food before you.) (Insert Kay: OK, total side note: I just wanted to point out that the restaurant was very warm and cozy…which was greatly appreciated as it was a cold and snowy evening when we visited. I hate going to restaurants and freezing my ass off, which happens a lot!)

The bartender took our orders quickly and the food didn't take long to arrive. I went with the Ropa Vieja, a pulled flank steak and Kay went with Pollo a la Plancha. The meals were $15 and $14 respectively,  both came with beans w/ rice and plantains. I was expecting huge portions of food for the price, but I was sadly disappointed—both plates only included a very small portion of meat, the majority of the plate was full of rice and beans. Don't be misled by the picture of Kay's dinner, that's visual ambiguity (google that shit if you don't know what I'm talking about). You've got to be kidding me right, $15 for rice! I will say this, the Ropa Vieja was very tasty, but $15 tasty—no. I could handle paying $15 for the entree if the majority of the meal were the meat. This should have been an $8-9 meal max. Kay's meal was the same as mine, majority rice, small portion of chicken. (Insert Kay: But, the small amount of chicken I did get was really good!)

Kay says she would go back, but not me. (Insert Kay: I usually give restaurants a "pass" if I visit them within the first month of their opening. The food was good, just over priced. I'd definitely try Sabor de Cuba again in a few months. I'm not a hater!) I was still hungry after the meal and was bummed on the small meat portions. I would like to see this restaurant succeed, so I'm taking it easy on them. They need to come down in their prices or go up in the portion size, and hopefully they'll figure this out before it's too late.

On a side note, I kept noticing random people coming up to the bar for free drinks. A few even went behind the bar to get their own drinks. I guess they worked there or were owners/friends. No big deal, it didn't take away from my service. I wanted to be part of the club though (Insert Kay: Sadly, I don't know enough Spanish to have any idea what they were talking about!). I felt like I was eating Thanksgiving dinner at the kids table. You know, you're there but none of the adults want to talk to you. So as far as a rating goes, I give it an "eh" while Kay is probably more on the "I'd like to give it another chance" side. In my eyes, you get one shot, and then, no soup for you! (Insert Kay: or in this case, no meat for us! That sounds gross.)

Lunchbox

It is very rare that Jay and I get to have lunch together, so when we had the chance, I insisted we visit Lunchbox, the newest venture for Bryan Voltaggio (aka owner of the famous Volt Restaurant, aka Frederick's poster-child). (OK, here's where I fully admit that I am a Top Chef junkie, and really enjoy watching the success and growth of our local hero! I'm not a stalker, I promise!) (Insert Jay: He is just a chef, get over it. He was on tv, blah blah blah...he is just a person who makes good food. By the way, I don't get the allure of Top Chef…you never get to eat the food they make on the show, so who knows what it tastes like.)

Lunchbox is a great place to stop for a quick lunch, and is surprising very cost-effective. I went with the Portabella and Goat Cheese sandwich, and Jay had the Pastrami & Swiss. I also got  an order of the Chicken Buttermilk Dumpling soup. Both our sandwiches were pretty good, definitely worth the $5! The soup…holy crap, the soup was amazing. Super HOT, but really good—just perfect after our cold, crisp walk through downtown Frederick, MD. Jay topped his meal off with a FREE apple (Insert Jay: I wish it was a honeycrisp apple!), and I also grabbed some of their oatmeal raisin cookies (what can i say, I was really hungry that day—don't judge!).

OK, so let me get into more detail about those cookies. I admit, I had gotten oatmeal raisin cookies at the Lunchbox a few times before, and they were AH-MAZING! (as in, after my last lunch there with a friend, we actually had post-follow up emails just to talk about their cookies). But, unfortunately this visit left me sad about my cookie fix. Neither of my oatmeal raisin cookies had any raisins. Not. A. Single. One. I want my raisins, people—Lunchbox, take note! (Insert Jay: If you've ever seen the movie Casino, you should remember the scene with De Niro telling the chef to make sure there were an equal amount of blueberries in every muffin. It would be fitting if someone got whacked by Pesci over this raisin oversight)

Now that I'm off my cookie soapbox, I'll say that other than that, we were happy with our meals at Lunchbox. The vibe and decor is very clean and geometric, and we love the fancy plastic "silver"ware utensils. The service was very fast and efficient (although we weren't entirely sure what to do with our trays when we were finished). However, if you've read some of our previous posts, you'll know that Jay is a monster when it comes to eating, so he wished there had been some chips or something to accompany the sandwich…it wasn't quite enough for him.

We'd recommend Lunchbox for a quick, easy, and affordable lunch—I know I'll definitely be back—and we look forward to seeing some of Brian's future ventures in Frederick as well. We'd give Lunhbox a solid "Good Enough to Take Your Parents Too", and maybe borderline "Hell, Yes!".  (Insert Jay: Are you referring to me or the restaurant?)

Cacique Restaurant

Como estan bitches? If you're a reader of this blog, you'll know that Kay and I had a bad experience at our last Mexican outing (read here). After washing the taste of disappointment out of our mouths, we felt the need to fill a void. Kinda like a the void a red headed step child feels when seeking approval from their father. The void is not the lack of approval, it's the lack of a soul. I'm not sure how that applies here but that is the best I can do. (Insert Kay: um, ramble much? I have no idea what Jay is talking about here…) To fill our void, we decided to hit up a personal favorite of ours and set out to Cacique (warning: website has sound that you can't turn off!) located in downtown Frederick, MD.

One note to make before I get going, based on much previous experience (Kay and I frequent Cacique a lot) you need to expect to spend some time for dinner here. It's not just a quick drop in place. To put it bluntly, you're going to be on Spanish time here. Sit back, relax and enjoy the ride. Unlike dinner at my house (shovel and chew so that you're the first to get seconds), dinner at Cacique is an event.

So, back to our dinner event which took place on a Friday night. After arriving around 7pm or so, we were quickly seated. The waiter's assistant promptly hooked us up with chips, salsa and waters and our waiter arrived shortly arrived to take our orders (without writing them down…impressive). I went with a beef burrito and Kay went with a beef/chicken fajita combo (Insert Kay: mmmmm, fajitas!)  After munching on some chips, our food arrived in a timely fashion. Our waiter noticed my empty water glass and sent his assistant over to fill it (expected but impressive nonetheless) (Insert Kay: In case you haven't read some of our other posts, Jay has what we could call an obsession with drink refills). My burrito was great and Kay was satisfied with her fajitas (Insert Kay: Again, mmmmm, fajitas!). The flavors were great and the meals were highly satisfying.

If you've read previous posts, you've noticed my ability to down some food (Insert Kay: The boy can eat!). I can crush a burrito at Cacique but in doing so my belly hurts from eating too much. I'm always in limbo here, there is never enough to take home and there is always too much to eat. A normal person would just leave a few bites on the plate and call it a night. Not me though, I like a good challenge. (Insert Kay: I always take home my leftovers with me and look forward to eating them the next day…like a normal person.) All in all, Cacique cuts the queso. (Insert Kay: Wait. What? Don't you mean mustard?)

One thing to be aware of when visiting Cacique…when you wake up in the morning, you can still smell the restaurant on your clothes from the night before. (Insert Kay: It's the fajitas!!) If you've ever worked in the food business, you know what I mean. This may be something they need to address or this may just be a form of advertising. If we had to give Cacique a rating, we would give it a "Hell Yeah" and we'll definitely be back! (Insert Kay: um, we're practically regulars already!)

Mexicali Cantina

Dios mio, what a culinary catastrophe I was the victim of tonight. Jay here, do yourself a favor, stay away from Mexicali Cantina in Frederick.  I took my pops there over the summer and it was okay. When I visited it a second time a few months ago, again, it was ok. So, Kay and I figured we 'd try it out, but, wow, what a mistake.

When we arrived, the parking lot was full. I figured it would go one of two ways: 1) a long wait and slow service, or 2) a fiesta of flavor that would explain such a large crowd. We were quickly seated (after eyeing the fountain in the lobby), and chips and salsa arrived immediately. I figured we were off to a good start…but that was the last positive thought I had.

First of all, our meals took a long time to arrive. Long enough for us to both finish our waters and a bowl of salsa.  Even after politely asking the waitress for refills, it still took forever.  (Look servers, pay attention: when a glass of water is empty, fill it. If you walk by my table, look at my empty water glass, and then continue to walk away…it had better be to go get me a damn refill. The next time you walk by empty handed you are losing part of your tip.)

When we finally got our meals, I was already worked up. After eating only 1/3 of my meal, I was actually pissed.  I couldn't finish eating and had to push the plate away in anger over how bad it tasted. (Insert Kay: He literally kept saying "This is gross, this is really gross.") I ordered a burrito/taco combo and Kay ordered....who cares, it tasted like shit. (Insert Kay: and my meal had a very large bone in it. I am happy when restaurants use real, pulled chicken, but please watch the bones. This bone was a little too large to have been missed. Gross.)

To top it all off, the waitress never checked in on us during the entire meal (not a single time after our food arrived, or before our food arrived, for that matter).  I was minutes from putting money on the table and just walking out. (Insert Kay: we actually considered swinging by McDonald's just so we could get something to eat. No joke. And we hardly ever eat fast food!)

Kay and I seriously couldn't figure out why/how this restaurant was so busy! For all of the people who frequent this establishment, you must be hopped up on margaritas that kill your taste buds. We would give Mexicali Cantina a rating of "Eff This Place," and will definitely not be back.  Ciao. Wait, that's Italian.

Magoo's Pub & Eatery

So, this isn't our first, second, or even third time to Magoo's Pub & Eatery. It's actually one of our go-to places for when we need a good, quick meal in downtown Frederick, MD. In fact, we go there so often that when we walked in, we were quickly greeted at the door and offered two seats right in the front & center of the bar. Ok, so, really,  the place was a little busy and there was a short wait, so Jay and I just opted to eat at the bar, because we were starving.


We both enjoy the atmosphere of Magoo's small, friendly, Irish pub feel. Jay went with his "usual", a rueben, which he claims is one of the best (if not the best) in town. Even though I mostly get their Chicken Taragon sandwich (um, yum), I decided to go with something a little different and ordered the Chicken Pot Pie (Insert Cartman, "I like pot pie") . While we waited for our food, we enjoyed some beers (getting promptly carded, and then complimented for how well we've both retained our aging, thank you very much) and played around with the trivia questions located on the beer (Insert Jay: I lit it up on the sitcom category running the table).
 
Before we knew it, our food had arrived (thank goodness, because, like I said, we were starving at this point)! My chicken pot pie was good, although the flaky pastry topping was just a tad on the gooey side. I scarfed the entire thing down (which says a lot because I typically can't/don't eat everything on my plate) But, be forewarned, if you are really hungry, do not get the pot pie. It is freaking hot! I burned my tongue, bad! (and still couldn't stop eating it!). Jay equally ate every last bite of his rueben and almost growled at me when I tried to sneak a forkful of coleslaw from his plate (insert Jay: dumb bitch kept taking my fries too).

Politics aside (Magoo's owner is a former mayor of the city), we'd give Magoo's a high "Good Enough to Take Your Parents To" (which we've actually done, several times). The food is really good for American-Irish pub food, prices are great, and there is usually little to no wait for a table (although we've never been on St. Patty's Day). The atmosphere has a friendly, neighborly, "Cheers" feeling to it, and you'll almost always find the owner front-and-center, working the bar (as a business owner myself, I just think that is pretty cool).

While we didn't go with a dessert this night (Jay was being lame and wanted to get home), be forewarned that dessert seems to takes a long time. I have no idea why (Insert Jay: I've seen them make dessert, you can easily make any of them at home). Also, there is another great little hole-in-the-wall (like, literally) bar in the downstairs of this restaurant if you're ever looking for a quick drink.

And on a side note: while we were waiting for our check (and waiting for Jay to finish his Guiness, because he's a bit of a lightweight), the couple next to me actually asked for my opinion on Magoo's and a few other restaurants in the downtown area. Has our cover been blown, or do we just exude food criticism? I guess they could just tell that we're big-time food bloggers, now! (Insert Jay: and on another side note, the waitresses wear kilts. One of the waitresses has banging legs and I'm not even a leg man. Fellas keep an eye out)

il Porto

I gave Kay the night off so I'll give the report on il Porto.  My gift of gab is not quite as versed as Kay so bear with me (she'll be making edits anyway). A few days prior to our actual visit, we drove by the restaurant, as we often have, and Kay said we should try it one night. Well, after discussing several choices of dining establishments, (by "discuss" I mean "argue") I tossed out the idea of il Porto. (Insert Kay: Um, I actually think it was I who tossed out the name, just sayin') We looked up their menu online and it seemed reasonable so we figured we'd give it a shot. 

We headed to downtown Frederick on a seemingly normal Friday night. Finding a spot to park took no time, what did take time was having to wait for Kay to change her purse over. We were just going to eat then go home so I don't get the idea of changing over your purse but I digress. (Insert Kay: Ladies, I know you understand...wanted to change to an "evening purse") We entered il Porto and were instantly greeted and seated by the host. The restaurant was about 50% full and had a nice vibe. We both liked the tall ceilings and got a good seat by the window.

The waiter came over within minutes to take our drink order. Kay went with an amaretto sour (high roller!) and I went with a trusty water.  The menu was straight forward, Italian.  I had a tough time deciding between Chicken Marsala and Manicotti.  Traditional Italian fare (what I classify as any noodle with sauce) is always too small of a portion for me. I'm not a large fella but I have a large appetite. Chicken Marsala is a favorite of Kay's and I knew it would be a tough feat talking her out of ordering it.  So I went with the Chicken Marsala along with a side house salad and after a lot of quick talking (I had to offer up a few bites), Kay went with Roasted Chicken. 

Dinner came out in a timely fashion along with refills (note: without having to ask!). The Roasted Chicken was enough food for two adults and a fat baby. (Insert Kay: It was literally the size of my head!)  The Marsala was served with a side of linguine with marinara sauce. I dropped the ball here when ordering, I should have asked the waiter to put the marsala sauce on the linguine and skip the marinara.  I did make a good choice by adding the salad though as the Chicken Marsala would not have been a large enough portion for me. Kay's roasted chicken came with some potatoes, but she wished there had been some type of green veggie to accompany it. 

All in all, this was a good choice for dinner.  The wait staff was on point with refills and checking in on us. We weren't blown away with the food but for the price it was a good deal.  Our waiter was very polite and knowledgeable.  We'd give it a "Good Enough to Take Your Parents To" rating and we'll most likely go back. The only complaint was the tacky neon "open" sign on the window directly at our table. This joint is too classy for a neon sign but I understand the need as they are in a low foot traffic area.  I'd put it higher on the window out of sight for patrons.  

The Rhubarb House

OK, so here goes our first post. Just bear with us as we work all the kinks out, I promise the upcoming restaurant reviews will be insightful, comical and, most of all, truthful. (at least I hope they will be!)

So, on the last weekend before Christmas, we set out to purchase our last minute holiday gifts. Yes, we were out there amongst the hustle and bustle with all the other crazies who waited until the last minute. A nice, stress-free, relaxing Saturday....um, yeah right. We headed to the Hagerstown Premium Outlets and crossed our fingers.

After a long (and, despite our best efforts, frustrating) day of shopping we were starving. Instead of heading back towards home, we opted to try out a restaurant in downtown Hagerstown. You know, something different. After being practically laughed at at our first choice of restaurant (No reservation? Sure, we can seat you, in 90 minutes). We ended up at a quaint little place called The Rhubarb House.

Our first impression was an immediate red flag when it took longer than five minutes for someone to just come over to greet us (but, I still liked the overall vibe and decor, so we waited). The wait staff and kitchen seemed overwhelmed due to the large crowd…oh, wait, there wasn't a visibly large crowd, and  the majority of the tables were actually empty. (But. little did we know, there ended up being a whole other section that we couldn't see, just around the corner.) And, apparently it was Maryland Symphony Orchestra night in town, so all the restaurants were a tad overwhelmed to say the least.

Surprised by the average menu prices, we both proceeded to order burgers since we figured it might be one of the fastest things to get. Forty minutes later (yes, seriously), including Jay threatening to get up and leave, we both finally got our burgers (one basic burger, and one Swiss Bacon BBQ).  The burgers were average, at best…definitely not worth a 40-minutes wait.  [Strike 1] And, burgers were served with potato chips (let me just say, when I order a burger, I really hate when I don't get fries with it, or at least special chips). Nope, these chips were practically crumbs out of the bottom of the bag. [Big Strike 2]

And last, just a minor comment on the beverage situation. Only Yuengling on tap and Bud & Michelob in bottles...not a huge selection. But, I did like the large glass my Yuengling, as well as our waters arrived in. But, alas, [Strike 3] by the time our food actually arrived, Jay's water glass was empty and he never got a refill. (Insert Jay: If the damn glass is empty, fill it, A-Hole, I shouldn't have to ask. Or, at least come back to see if I need it filled).

As you can see, what was meant to be good meal at a nice, new restaurant, unfortunately ended up being a bit of a disappointment. The only thing we enjoyed about the restaurant was the flighty waitress/hostess who reminded me of my Aunt. Plus, oddly enough, Jay thought the restaurant  smelled like my parent's house (this could be good or bad). Jay thinks it was due to the salt and pepper shakers…my parents have the same ones. It's possible.

If we had to rate this restaurant, we'd give it a big EH. Probably wouldn't go back any time soon. Granted, we caught them on an off night, with the Symphony in town, but still. There are plenty other good restaurants for us to try.