B-Dubbs

What the hell is B-Dubs you ask? Buffalo Wild Wings for all you punk bitches who aren't in the know. (Insert Kay: While we usually don't post on chain-type restaurants, we had a special connection with this one…read on) Seeing as we are big time bloggers and food critics, we got a special invite to a soft opening for the new Frederick B-Dubs located by Wegman's (what the hell do you call that area?). For the record, I generally only use the word "soft" when referring to anyone other than myself, but the opening of this restaurant is an exception. What is a soft opening you ask? It's when a new restaurant opens only for special guests to have a trial run through a full night of service. So if you're keeping score at home, there is a new B-Dubs in Frederick and we were invited to prep the restaurant for service (keep up assholes). (Insert Kay: OK, so now you know that we are a little late on this post, because the Frederick BWW has been opened for over a month now. But that's ok—we do what we want. Don't judge, it's been a busy winter, bitches.)

Shortly after arriving, we were seated and our waitress informed us how the evening was going to go. The rules were simple. Order anything you want, just try to pick something from each section of the menu, food is free and beer is donation for charity. At this point I think I heard angels sing. It took me a minute to figure out what I wanted to eat. It wasn't the abundance of choices, it was 200+ tv's all playing sports at full blasting volume. I didn't know which one to watch or where to look. There are a lot of distractions, it was kinda like this. If you have ever been to Glory Days, (Insert Kay: Or any sports bar/ restaurant, for that matter) B-Dubs is basically the same thing but on steroids.

After assimilating to the surroundings, we figured out what we wanted to eat. Wings asshole. We wanted to try 3 different flavors and went with honey bbq, salt & vinegar, and hot bbq. I asked for 6 of each but the waitress said they were only taking orders for 12. I told her I couldn't eat that much but she didn't mind, 36 wings coming up. (Insert Kay: Yes, he did. He literally ordered 36 wings.)  We also ordered some appetizers just for shits and giggles. I was surprised to find out that B-Dubs actually offers craft beers. (Insert Kay: Seriously, we were surprised at the variety of their selection. I'm the beer connoisseur of this marriage, so what I say goes.) We ordered up a few that I haven't heard and were pleasantly surprised. They had a few stouts that were tasty and I would recommend them if you're into stouts. (Insert Kay: As a slacker food blogger, Jay, of course, forgot which stout beers he would actually recommend. You suck, Jay) Our food arrived and at the same time so did one of the managers to see how things were going. For starters, the manager was a huge bitch. (Insert Kay: Word.)  She was actually my sister but she is still a bitch. She checked in on all tables to see how things were going but the side order of attitude delivered to our table wasn't appreciated. Oh well, she got us in for free, seems like a fair trade. (Insert Kay: We'll keep her. For now.) I dove into the salt&vinegar wings first and must admit I was pleasantly surprised. If you like the S&V potato chips, I say you should give these wings a try. I then tried the hot bbq. WOW. On the burn your butthole meter, I would have to give them a 9. Translation of burn your butthole meter: a 9 is when you want to dunk your ass in the toilet after taking a shit due to the spicy food you ate the night before. (Insert Kay. Sorry ladies. He's taken. And yes, this is an actual conversation we've had before. I am such a lucky gal.) The honey bbq were more reasonable. The apps were great and we even got dessert as well. My dumb bitch sister said dessert wasn't allowed but I told her to make it happen. (Insert Kay: Hot fudge sundaes. If you've read some of our previous posts, you KNOW how I like a hot fudge sundae, bitch.)

All in all, B-Dubs was great. They have a shitload of wings to choose from as well as plenty of visual stimulation. If you see a tall skinny broad ordering people around, don't give her a hard time. I've got that covered. As for a rating, we give this one a Good Enough to Take Your Parents To! (Insert Kay: Wait, your parents actually were there.)

Sidenote- When my sister and I were young, we used to play this game called "waitress". She would act as my waitress and prepare me food. When it was my turn to play, I would always say, "nah, I quit this job". She always went first in the game and I always quit at my turn. Dumb bitch fell for it every time. Now look at her, she is running a restaurant and is more than playing waitress. Nice.

The Loveless Cafe

Kay and I were in Nashville for a few days with some friends to celebrate New Year's. I had a few things to check off my list while we were visiting. Riding a mechanical bull was at the top of the list, but, unfortunately too much BBQ and too many beers foiled that plan. And hitting up the Loveless Cafe for breakfast was at the top of the list too. Luckily, I was able to convince my friends to drive about 20 minutes outside of town to this little slice of heaven, otherwise known as The Loveless Cafe, and eat the best biscuits they would ever eat for the rest of their life. Bold statement but it is fact.

When we arrived, Kay ran in to put in our name for a table for 6. She came out to tell us how long the wait was going to be (Insert Kay: Wait for it…) 2 HOURS! Two hours, Eff me in the A! Two GD hours for breakfast, WTF! The line of people sitting around outside and the fact that it was Sunday morning should have been an indication that the wait would be long, but seriously 2 effing hours is a long time to wait when all you want is some food after a long night of beers and rockabilly. I figured my friends would want to roll out but surprisingly they decided to give it a go. It couldn't actually be two hours could it?

So while waiting, we decided to check out the gift shops that are also on the property. For anyone who visits the Loveless, this is a must. As I said, they serve the best biscuits of your life and you can purchase the mix at their store or online here. Just mix with buttermilk and biggity friggin bam— biscuits, biatch! So after getting my biscuit mix, the wait for our name proceeded. While eating some snacks from the store our name was called. The wait was only around an hour and fifteen, shy of two hours but still a long time. (Insert Kay: Jay and I had been to The Loveless once before, so we knew the wait was worth it. But, I seriously don't know how we convinced our friends to stay and wait that long! Jedi Mind tricks and all.)

Upon entering, be sure to check out some of the autographs of the famous assholes that have visited this place. I'm surprised they didn't ask me for an autograph but I'll let it slide. (Insert Kay: Lame, Jay So, lame.) We were seated and quickly greeted by the friendly (yet super busy) wait staff and everyone in our party ordered the family style breakfast to share among the six of us. (Insert Kay: So, after some fierce competitions of word finds and fill-in-the-blanks on the paper placemats...I came in second. Jay came in last probably…) Eggs, bacon, home fries and the other normal breakfast goodies were quickly brought to the table. Oh and the biscuits, have I mentioned the biscuits? (Insert Kay: Not to mention all the homemade preserves—peach, blackberry, strawberry and more—to spread on the biscuits, heavenly biscuits) The first few minutes of eating were mainly grunts and points to pass plates as we were all starving, especially after the long wait. I knew the biscuits were going to be on point but one thing I overlooked was the bacon. One of my friends can be quoted as saying it's the best bacon he has ever eaten and this guy knows all about smoked meat (and by smoked meat I mean....you get where I'm going). (Insert Kay: Seriously, the bacon was amazing. We took a pile of bacon back to our hotel room and even ate it cold. It was still THAT EFFING GOOD!) The food was good and it kept coming, you can't beat all you can eat. The waitress did a great job keeping up, the restaurant was packed.

So to sum it up: Bacon? Good. Biscuits? Good. The wait? Sucked balls, but not their fault (Sunday breakfast in the south and all). As far as a rating goes, we'll give it a hell yeah. If you're ever in Nashville make sure to check this place out. It's off the beaten path but well worth it y'all (in the south, sentences don't end with a period, they end with "y'all"). (Insert Kay: And we are still enjoying the Loveless biscuits, we've been making some every weekend! Hell yeah!)

PS-We apologize for the lack of photos in this post. We blame it on Kay's stupid iphone deleting all her Nashville photos. Kay is a dumb bitch. Fact.

Bound'ry Restaurant

Sorry for the lack of posts, I lost my mojo with the blogging shit. Here's my problem, I'm laying down comic genius but I don't get feedback with the anonymity. I say screw it, if we can't put your restaurant on blast without having the balls to let you know who we are—then we're the assholes. We'll stick with the "Jay" and "Kay" moniker for the blog (I say it's a stupid idea, but Kay wants to run it). (Insert Kay: Word.) You can find out who we are if you follow Kay on FB. So that's that, on to the Bound'ry.

We headed down to Nashville with some friends to celebrate the New Year. We got all gussied up for New Years' Eve and went out for a nice meal at the Bound'ry. For starters, I know it's spelled wrong. But they're in the south so we'll cut them some slack. They made up for their lack of spelling with short notice reservations. I called the same day at noon for a table for 6 at 6:00 (Insert Kay: On New Year's Eve, mind you). I was surprised that they were able to accommodate with such short notice. I, like Vin Diesel, live my life a quarter of a mile at a time. Here's the link if you assholes don't get the reference. So after some drinks at The Patterson House, (Insert Kay: Check this joint out too if you ever find yourself in Music City! It has a great Prohibition era, speakeasy vibe serving classic cocktails.) we headed down to the Bound'ry (bitches in tow) (Insert Kay: Hay-ay!).

Upon arrival, I was impressed with the vibe of this joint. They had some flame shit going on out front and the inside was artistic as well. We were seated as soon as we arrived and greeted by our waiter within minutes. We ordered drinks and while waiting, some waters arrived along with these crazy ass bread sticks and various breads. This is not a "stale bread in a basket wrapped with the same napkin as your fork" kind of place. (Insert Kay: Very fancy-schmancy!)

Each of my friends ordered a different meal. Let me give it up to the waiter who took 6 orders without writing anything down. Look, I know we don't all aspire to be a waiter when we are kid. If you do, take notes from this dude. He made recommendations and was insightful on the menu. I went with their version of shrimp and grits and Kay went with the pork chops. One of our friends ordered the antelope. (Insert Kay: What kind of DB orders antelope? Just kidding, love ya "Chapstick"!) The menu says the antelope is from Texas but since when do antelopes roam the plains of Texas? I thought those bastards were chilling in Africa with Simba and shit. At any rate, all of our meals were on point. This was the best last meal I could have had for 2012. My shrimps (as they say in the south) were perfectly cooked and the portion size along with flavors were perfect. I tasted all of my friend's meals and they were great as well (except for the antelope, what asshole eats antelope?). Each meal had a distinct flavor and I could have eaten any of them. (Insert Kay: My pork chops were equally as amazing. So tender and flavorfull—I wish I could've eaten the entire plate! Plus they served a local Nashvillian craft beer that I discovered on my last visit to Nashville—Yazoo Brewing Company. I went with the hefeweizen…yum.)

After our meal, we headed downtown to catch the Old Crow Medicine Show perform at The Ryman Theater. Pokey LaFarge opened up the show and it was a perfect end to a great evening. If you're ever in Nashville, I would highly recommend the Bound'ry. Great atmosphere, great food, great friends (dresses could have been a bit more low cut but whatever). (Insert Kay: Dude, it was effing January)

All things considered, we'd give The Bound'ry a "Hell Yeah!", and would definitely recommend if you ever find yourselves in Nashville (Insert Kay: "Y'all). Prices were on the steep side, but for a special dinner, definitely check it out next time you're down south.

Frederick Fudge & Ice Cream

OK, OK, so I'll be the first to admit it. We suck bad. It's been over a month since our last post, and we apologize (at least to the one or two people who are actually reading this!) We've just been lazy this summer. Don't get us wrong, we've still been testing out local and not-so-local restaurants, and have been trying to stay active on our twitter account (um, are you following us yet!?) but we just can't seem to find the time to get our notes down on the proverbial "paper". We suck. There, I said it.

Now that I've gotten that off my chest...

One of the things Jay and I LOVE about summers in Frederick, MD is....ice cream! The Frederick Fudge and Ice Cream shop in Everedy Square/Shab Row area of downtown Frederick is our summer spot. We usually go there every other (ok, or every) week in the summer. Despite the increase to our waistlines, Frederick Fudge & Ice Cream is an awesome little spot to grab a quick summer dessert. Serving both Hershey's Ice Cream and soft serve (Insert Jay: but, really, what asshole would even go to an ice cream shop to get soft serve!?), FFIC also has a variety of fudge and other goodies. Us? We stick with the ice cream.

My "usual" is the old fashioned hot fudge sundae (hold the nuts!) (Insert Jay: yes indeed, hold the nuts. Hiyooo!). Even the small size is a generous proportion, Hershey's vanilla topped with hot fudge, whipped cream and a cherry. And despite Jay's cat-calls of how vanilla is so unoriginal, I say, you can't go wrong with a classic. Jay usually destroys a "single scoop" (did we mention the portions were pretty large?) of the Extreme Chocolate or, his all-time favorite, though not always available, Oatmeal Cookie Dough. And then he eats whatever is leftover from my sundae. Because he eats. A Lot.

The cute, but rather small, ice cream shop always has friendly service (always high school-ish girls), and always smells yummy inside. They are dog friendly, even serving up the special doggie ice cream Frosty Paws (which you could just buy at the grocery store for like a third of the price). Beware—your dogs will try to pee on the big stuffed bear at the front door. At least ours do. Try, that is.

There's a great little sitting area out back (Insert Jay: be prepared for the goddam bugs, they eat you alive some nights) and even parking right behind the shop. Plus, you can always walk through Shab Row or down to Carrol Creek to work off those extra calories. If you're looking for a quick, fun trip for dessert, we highly recommend! We'd give this shop a "Hell, Yes" rating and will continue to frequent it for the remainder of the summer. See ya there!

Oopa! Greek Festival Frederick-Style

So it's been a while since our last post and you've missed a few meals (we have not). I've been waiting on Kay to get business cards for us to leave at restaurants. (Insert Kay: Seriously, we need business cards before we can eat out and write a post? Give me a break Jay!) That dumb bitch is dragging her heals (as usual) and I figured I better write a review before we lose any interest we've gained thus far. I can tell you that I haven't missed many meals but here is one that I wanted to share.

Get him to the Greek! Great movie, but it has nothing to do with this post other than it's the type of food we able to enjoy over the weekend. We went to the Greek Festival in Frederick several times over this past weekend. It's located at Sts. Peter and Paul Church on 7th St. every year around this time. Let's get this out of the way straight out of the gate, I crushed 6 gyros in 4 days. (Insert Kay: He's lucky he didn't have a heart attack.) Let me give you a play by play of each night:

Thursday: I wanted to start things off right and dominated 2 gyros in one sitting. As I was about to start my second gyro, this dude sat down next to me. He was every bit of 325-350lbs and homeboy was only able to put down one gyro. I gave him a head nod as I took that last bite, as if to say "what's up, that's all you got?". Kay ate some chicken deal that I can't pronounce.  All I know is that there were lots of vowels. (Insert Kay: Chicken Souvlaki...bitch)

Friday: I tried to keep it mild. I only ate one gyro, a side of fries and the rest of Kay's meal. Our friends joined us and they seemed to have a good time. I was eyeballing their kids fries as they didn't finish. I'm not sure what they ordered, again lots of vowels, but they seemed to enjoy the food. (Insert Kay: And I got the Athenian Chicken Platter...chicken with lemon, manestra (a Greek style orzo side dish) and then Greek green beans...so. good.) (Insert Jay: Manestra sounds like something a women gets once a month. They should check the translation on that one.)

Saturday: My dad and new weekend mom (Insert Kay: laughing hysterically) joined us for dinner. Pops wasn't sure what to order, so he just went with the "point, I'll take that" technique. They both enjoyed their meals and seemed to have a good time checking out the pastries. As for myself, gyro number four went down without a hitch (along with a salad and fries). I believe Kay got pastitsio (I had to google it for the spelling). I had a few bites and it was tasty. (Insert Kay: Just want to point out that pastitsio is probably my all-time fav Greek meal. I highly recommend!  Also, just a note on the Greek pastries...again, so. good.)

Sunday: I wasn't able to make it to the festival but Kay picked up dinner. Gyros five and six went down easily after a long day of yard work. Not sure what Kay had, I was in the zone. Believe it or not, I only weigh 165. Well maybe 170 now. (Insert Kay: I had tiropita and spanakopita...cheese and spinach pies, plus a few extra samples.)

We always look forward to the Greek Festival. If you haven't checked it out, you're missing some good food. They had a tasty one-off beer this year made by Brewer's Alley. I only had a few glasses as they sold out much sooner than anticipated. Snooze you lose assholes. (Insert Kay: Um, I had more than a few glasses. good stuff) All in all, the festival is a great time and you should go next year. I'll challenge anyone to a gyro eating contest, I think I have more in the tank. As for a rating, we'll go with a "hell yeah" for this one.

(Insert Kay Disclaimer: I thought it only fair to come clean and let everyone know that I actually am Greek. So, yes, I could be a bit biased, but it doesn't matter, the shit is good, I don't care who you are.)